Scaredy Cat(s)

I walked into the bathroom last night, turned on the light, and was scared by my own cat laying in the sink. I mean, I actually hollered for Brad as if I had seen a smaller, (a lot less cute, for that matter) rodent scurring across the floor. The scariest thing about the episode is that I was actually proud of my little kitten - much like a parent is when their child learns a new behavior. What is even scarier than anything mentioned above is that I just admitted I think about my cat like a child. Should I be scared for myself and my yet to even be thought about unborn child? I suppose Brad should be the scardiest cat of all in this scenario...

"When all is said and done..."

For additional pictures of the mission trip to Bay St. Louis, MS, which Brad was a part of, click on http://gallery.the-franklins.net/gallery/msmissions and then "Roscoe United Methodist Church." The photos here shocked me, as I had not realized what devastation truly laid in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

An almost morbid reflection of love

If anything were to ever happen to Brad, this is how I would remember him - loving Christ by doing good works, loving music and related gadgets, smiling and unshaven, and wearing theGarage logo T-shirt.

Sometimes I hate having a conscience

Little did I know that blogging has a serious history of getting people fired from their jobs.

Funny how I should be a little more worried about being fired for blogging from work, about work, when instead I am scared to hurt my mother's feelings.

That being said, I regret to inform you that I have chosen to remove the posts involving the woman who birthed me for fear of hurting her feelings if she is to ever find out about this blog.

When I really should have been paying more attention to the reason for the season, I have instead been spending a lot of time contemplating my reasons for blogging. I came to the conclusion that not only is writing on this site an attempt to keep all my far away friends updated, it is also a way to vent and share my feelings and struggles (as displayed in my masthead above). What I struggle with is hurting people's feelings via this site and my posts. I don't want to push people away because of what I write about - I want people to be drawn to my posts and perhaps share them with their friends, who will share them with their friends (you get the idea).

However, I also want to remain honest in my blogging. As I mentioned in the post regarding my small group girls, they know that they are fair game for a topic of my blog and respect that (shoot, they all have myspace and xanga - they know the drill). Perhaps if the matriarch of my family ever finds out that I could possibly be writing about her crazy antics, she will be more self-aware of her actions toward me.

In the mean time, I am maintaining my original committment NOT to share with my mother that I have begun using this blog as an outlet for my feelings, but I have come to accept that it is inevitable she will find out about it eventually (probably having just a little something to do with the fact that I included the address to the site in the Christmas letters I sent to all my extended family members).

Road Trip Success

Thursday afternoon we left for a 4 hour drive down to Staunton, Illinois, where Brad's parents live. It was Yummy's first road trip, and although we were adequately prepared with litter box in tow, we were still not 100% sure how she would handle the journey.

We have heard from friends that cats typically do not travel well. But, ever since we brought our tenacious, precious kitten home, she has appeared to thoroughly enjoy riding in the car. Personally, I think it is because she finds it a rare moment in time when she is able to be closer to the "outside world" she normally just watches from within the confines of our house.

She made herself quite at home - on the way down, she even upstaged me by having the front seat all to her own, leaving me to remain in the back seat next to the oh-so-fragrant litter box. On the way back, she was comfy cozy on a down blanket strategically placed on my lap, on which she slept almost the entire way home! Brad was a little jealous, though, for after we stopped to switch driving positions, Yummy still wanted to lay on my lap and did so while I drove!





It's okay, Brad, Yummy loves us both the same... hee hee.

Busted

This is Tyler Christine. She is obviously mischievous beyond her years, er, months (10 to be exact). I wonder if this is a sign of things to come? Although she and her parents, our good friends Emily and Jeremy, live all the way in North Carolina, I get a peak into their life as it is with Tyler by regular E-mailed pictures of this beautiful little girl... and soon I'll get pictures of Tyler's little brother... who is due to enter the world in April. Pray for Emily, as she is serving our country in the military (currently in the US), and for Jeremy, who is also in a self-sacrificing position as a fireman. I have an amazing amount of respect for these two incredible individuals and am immensely proud to be called their friend.

the anticipation is killing me.

Hopefully this won't last long since Brad spent the night getting heat routed into the kitchen (I don't know the technical, contractor language). Soon you will see photos of what lies beyond the plastic sheeting. But, don't hold your breath. We don't want anyone to suffocate in the name of suspense.

Is it a good thing or a bad thing...

...when you walk into a local restaurant and the waitress already knows what you want to drink and brings it to you instantaneously. Does that mean it's nice to live where people know your name, reminiscent of the "Cheers" sitcom of the 80s, or does it mean you eat out way too much and should consider trying a new venue once in awhile? These are the things of which I actually take time to contemplate and share.

Part I: How bittersweet it is to be an influence in the lives of teenage girls

I have struggled to motivate myself to write this next post as it is a very sensitive, personal issue for me. I want to share about it, because otherwise I am not being honest with you and will jeopardize my goal for this blog. On the other hand, I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with the female students I love and spend an enormous amount of emotional energy on trying to show them the amazing grace of God and how they, too, can experience it. I am not going to publish any of the young ladies’ names, but I am going to be honest with my concerns about the group and the lack of direction I am currently experiencing regarding the approach I need to take with this small group.

I refer to this as a “personal” issue, because that is exactly what it is. I will be the first one to admit that my teenage years were absolutely miserable – probably even worse than my senior year of college at the onset of my depression. I absolutely cringe every time I hear someone say, “high school is the best years of your life!” Seriously, that comment creates in me an almost-uncontrollable urge to purge whatever Smart Ones® frozen lunch I may have had that day on the spot (I still refer to high school as my own “personal hell”). Obviously I have some issues with my teenage years that go deeper than most people think is normal (and it goes beyond the feather I used to wear at the end of a tiny braid in the back of my hair and my Sheltie sweatshirt). Therefore, I have carried with me throughout the last 10 years (my reunion is next October, people!) a personal crusade to share my irritation with teenage girls and to try and instill in them the strength to get through high school without emotional scars or physical reminders of poor decisions based on a weak relationship with Jesus Christ. It is for this reason that I was thrilled to have the opportunity to lead a high school girls’ small group.

This year has been different, though. The girls in this group have deep histories, and because most of them visit this site regularly, (only after acknowledging that it wasn’t “boring”), I will obviously not go into detail regarding the pasts of these girls in order to respect confidentiality. However, they do know that they are fair game for writing topic of this blog, due to the emotional investment I have in them and their lives.

What I want for these girls is freedom. Freedom from the lies and deceit the world highlights on a daily basis. I want them to take seriously the issues of sexual promiscuity and sexual identity and the dangers of being complacent with the secular world. I want Jesus Christ to be their best friend, and although the strongest faith in the world is not going to defeat the beasts of temptation, jealousy, and lust, a personal relationship with Christ will make it easier to battle.

As a sophomore in high school, I remember the night I gave my life to the Lord. I sat in my upstairs bedroom on the aquamarine carpet (I matched the color to a birth stone ring I had), in front of the bed with the creamy ruffled comforter and matching pillow shams and floral wall paper, and cried for a friend; a friend who was crying because she wanted so much to be with a boy who did not share the same affections for her. I prayed to God to take the same desires away from me and for my focus to be on Him and His will for my life. A weight lifted from me immediately. I did not want the burden of knowing a boy’s feelings toward me would make or break me. I wanted to be stronger than that, and I was. I still struggled with poor body image, and the stress of doing well in class, but I believe my faith in God kept me from ever suffering from an eating disorder, or from becoming promiscuous, or from doubting my sexual orientation. Above all, my emotions were protected and I am a better person now because I do not have the scars from the war that was the high school years.

What makes me afraid right now, for the girls in my small group, is their blatant disregard for the seriousness of the issues they are faced with. Sexual orientation does not change with the wind, and is something that should not be toyed with. Premarital sex is not an accomplishment, and it does not put you on higher ground than someone who still has the gift of sexual purity. Lying to and being violent with ones parents is not alright, it is a violation of God’s commandments. These topics of conversation are not casual – they are serious, sad, stressful, and not simply an opportunity for someone to find a place in the world. The only way to find to a place in this world is by making a commitment to know God better, to know how to walk in His path and to put all trust in Him.

Our group is going to be working through the book, Wanting to Be Her, by Michelle Graham. Michelle, and her husband, are the leaders of InterVarsity at Northern Illinois University, and were when I was a student there, as well. Michelle has always been passionate about finding true positive body image in the Lord and it is my prayer that by going through this book with the girls, they will start to see how divinely special and beautiful they are as God’s creations.

This is what happens when you suffer from child envy

My friend Amanda recently moved to Janesville, Wisconsin, and she and I were talking over the phone the other night in regards to whether or not she was going to come to my ill-fated Pampered Chef party (yes, I sell Tupperware, but was having a Pampered Chef party. Note to self: Don't have a cooking/kitchen party when your own is draped in protective plastic and filled with construction equipment and supplies). I only had the party to help out my friend who I booked the party off of and to get free stuff, and then I didn't even get any free stuff because only one person came besides my friend who I booked the party off of! Anyway, Amanda (who was the only other person to come besides the friend I booked the party off of) was sharing with me that she might start taking me up on my previous offers to babysit her little girl, Litty (mind you, Litty turned 2 years old November 5, and this is how long I have been offering to donate my child care services to Amanda and her wonderful husband, Dan). The conversation provided a segway for me to ramble on regarding my most recent life dilemma - Child Envy. I explained to Amanda that I know I am not getting enough face time with my friends' children when I start to want to bring my client's kids home. I have already volunteered to take one of my client's 4 kids to a puppet show this Sunday, and I seriously contemplated how Brad and I could watch another client's 11-month old baby while she had treatment for her hyperthyroidism. Of course, my professionalism and COMMON SENSE kick in before I go making plans, but it just goes to show that I don't spend enough time with CHILDREN! Some days, after having my client's children screaming and kicking the back of my seat in my car for hours makes me think totally otherwise, but I always come back to the desire to be a mother - or at least a sudo-auntie - for just a little while. You know, to get my fill.

Before even talking to Amanda, though, I had the thought to "highlight" some of my friends' children on this site, as an "ode to the child." I know I love seeing my name in print, and my picture? Even better! I cannot even imagine what it might feel like to see your child's picture in print.

So, here is my first Ode. To Litty Abigail. Daughter to Amanda and Dan. This is her 2-year old picture, which I also have clipped to a snowflake picture holder sitting on top of my TV. You cannot help but melt at those pigtails! They are like little angel wings!


I am in the process of asking my other friends permission to publish their children on this site. I think it will be fun! Maybe I'll do this monthly... You'll just have to keep reading (and keep sending me the fruit of your baby's photo shoot) to see if your baby is featured.

The Ice Age, as it applies to Machesney Park, Illinois

I am being badgered by my husband and students to write something new as it has been several days since I've written. Let me tell ya, the longer I go between posts, the MORE I HAVE TO SAY. Watch out! First of all, though, I want to post a few photos of the house that I took this weekend. Some of you still haven't seen a lot of the house (and what a sight it is), but I must say, despite even what is now the painfully frigid kitchen after we hung plastic separating it from the rest of the house, I love my home and am proud of the work we have done and the prospect of the house to come... Here are some pics of our northern Illinois winter wonderland.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Why I love to come home for lunch

Today I came home for lunch because our bank account was negative and I had to deposit some money in order to keep from paying the overdraft fees (I hate those things). Besides that, my car didn't start this morning so I had to take Brad's truck to work, which I was returning in the event that my car would start. Which, it did.

While sitting on the couch eating lunch, I looked across the living room and saw Brad making this awfully strange face - a contorted look, with one eye slightly squinting with the other one focusing on something not within my eyesight. He was sitting with one leg underneath him in his oversized, slightly smooshed yellow chair, when I asked, "What are you doing?"

"Lining up my toes. I do that sometimes. Line stuff up." As he continues to show by example the contorted face mentioned above.

"You are SO weird.

"You're the one with weird on it."

This picture won't be in your Christmas card

Suggestions for a Social Worker

Today I had supervision with my supervisor at work. This is something the case workers for our program are required to do on a monthly basis in order to receive direction or correction on things we are working on with our clients. Normally this would not seem like a big deal, but the supervisor of our program tends to be very dramatic, and makes a huge deal about very little situations, and tends to draw out the time together where now the case managers dread supervision. Today she wanted to debate that my client does not have a sense of reality and that I need to threaten her with having her kids removed from her care. Um, okay. First of all, I don't threaten my clients, and secondly, it is not that easy to just tell your client that she's close to having her kids taken away when that hasn't been an issue the past 4 1/2 months she's been with our program. And said supervisor gives off this odd impression that she lies awake in bed at night thinking of how to make our cases harder to manage than they really need to be.

But this isn't really the topic of my post. The point of this brief introduction on "how Joslyn's boss approaches supervision" is that she also has a tendency to try and turn our monthly one-on-ones to a counseling session - like today. You see, after we've beaten my cases to death trying to brainstorm every possible referral for services, serious conversation, or ways to threaten my clients, my supervisor gently asks, "so, Joslyn, do you like working for Family First?"

This question triggers a slew full of responses in my head, that I carefully ponder and decide not to voice with her. Instead I say, "What do you mean?"

In an abbreviated version of the rest of the conversation, my supervisor tells me that it appears I have been dragging myself to work lately, and that she was hoping it would get better after I got back from vacation. She said I don't seem very happy at the office and that I am somewhat "negative" about my clientele and is this something I really want to get my Master's degree in? I let her know that I am having a hard time getting to work, and that I am feeling premature burnout, and that I do suffer from mild depression that seems to be aggravated lately, for which I take a small dosage of Zoloft. I tell her that I don't really want to work at all, but I figured getting my Master's in Social Work would open doors for me later in life, after I've had my family and am ready to go back to work. I tell her that all I really want to do is have a family, do the laundry, clean the house, run errands, do educational things with my children, make meals for my husband, help my husband more with his job, and go to play groups with my stay-at-home-friends who have children.

Well, with that bit of news, my supervisor continues by telling me she knows one thing for sure (I'm sure she knows more than just ONE thing for sure... That is such a weird phrase): that I LIGHT UP around children. She says whenever she sees me with my clients' children I am cheerful and pleasant, even during a recent extravaganza (one of my supervisor's favorite words) where I had to literally baby sit a child who was waiting to go into foster care and did not get any work done that day at all, yet she says I was very positive about the situation. She asks me to consider seeing a counselor through our Employee Assistance Program to monitor my dosage of Zoloft...oh, and to reconsider going to graduate school for Social Work...

...This reminds me of when I was a senior in college, majoring in Sociology, when one of my Sociology professors says to me, "Have you ever thought of going into journalism?" What? It's my senior year! I am graduating in 3 months!

What? I've worked in the Social Work related field for 5 years and have always understood my calling to be to work in the social services. Plus I've registered for a Statistics class on SATURDAYS of all days because it's a prerequisite for the MSW program I'm looking at. Now I'm being told to be a teacher or a daycare instructor. Not that those fields aren't enticing to me, but it is a little intimidating to think of changing careers. I realize people change careers far further into their's then I am in mine right now, but I guess I have some things to think about.

The even funnier thing is that just last Monday, Brad asked me a similar question during lunch at McDonald's (when I procrastinated going into work until 1:00). He asked, "why would you get your Master's degree in a field that you are tired of working in?" I don't know. I really don't.

Glamour Shots

Google Searching the spelling of "epitome"

This weekend Brad and I made some pretty important (and expensive) decisions about our home renovations. Not like we have the money. Each trip to the local home improvement store is a guessing game with our finances: "What card do we use for this?" "How much credit do we have on this card?" "Well, if we float this check, we can afford this..." We desperately want to save money with this project, but we also don't want to compromise our desire for a customized home by cutting too many corners. We are constantly being reminded that we are not rich people who have the luxury of high paid contractors, and that the terms unique and cheap will highly unlikely ever coincide in the language of home repair in our instance.

In the midst of our financial ponderings, we were able to make some much needed purchases, therefore giving Brad the freedom to get some things done to the house. I had my own tasks. While I pretended to "clean up" the house that, as Brad puts it, really isn't "clean up-able," Brad started installing the ceiling.

And, as you see from the pictures, we extended hospitality to my parents and invited them over to help. At least we fed them afterwards. They are always asking to come help, and after a brief hiatus from having them over (reference the setting boundaries issue), Brad and I decided it might not be so bad to have their help and to feed them, too. Aren't we the epitome of the perfect adult children every new parent hopes and longs for their infants to become?

Hot Brad

Two years ago, the last time I went to the National Youth Worker's Convention when it was in St. Louis, Illinois, I attended a seminar led by a female, junior high youth worker from Minnesota (Heather Flies, is her name). Since then, I've also attended a leadership seminar where she was the keynote speaker, as well. Anyway, Heather always starts off her talk with a power point presentation reflecting on her life growing up to the present, which always includes a "self-portrait" of her and her husband, whom she affectionately refers to as, "Hot Chad." So, seeing as how imitation is the highest form of flattery, and seeing as how I think Heather Flies is an awesome woman, I decided to begin fondly referring to my own husband as, "Hot Brad." See how it flows...

This picture is from when we were in Nashville last week (sigh of reflection). I think Brad looks extraordinarily handsome in this picture (even though he is playing with his wedding ring that he spontaneously decided to wear just for the vacation obviously, since it has not been spotted on his hand since then). And, since it is nice to share beautiful images with your friends, I thought I'd publish the photo in my blog.

I love you, Brad (wink)

Because cats are edible

"Yummy" the cat. She makes my heart melt, which is weird, because I have always been a self-proclaimed dog lover. Brad loves her too. He says she's the most loved cat in the world. However, he's the one who named her. Because cats are edible.

The Paper Anniversary

Our one-year anniversary was yesterday. I can't believe it has been a year. It is sort of depressing to hear about Nick & Jessica, as I prided myself on the fact that they were so much like us...

Neither of us got cards for each other. Brad gave me a Franklin Covey planner that I wanted for Christmas, and since it was our "paper" anniversary, he justified giving it to me early.

Brad's gift from me? That he basically bought himself after asking my permission? A book of SUDOKU puzzles. His paper gift.

If you don't know what SUDOKU puzzles are, try google-searching it. I learned how to play from my good friend and former supervisor, Therasa. I then showed Brad how to play. And that is the beginning of the SUDOKU story as it involves the Huntsman family.

Post Thanksgiving Ponderings

Because Brad's family has been inundated with family members at their tiny midwest home, we now stay in a local hotel whenever we visit (which is usually overnight, due to the 4-hour drive each way). As small as their home may be, it is always clean, warm, and so very cozy. I took what I think was a 2-hour nap today... very nice.

The thing that I have found ironic recently, is that while we were in Nashville for the National Youth Worker's Convention, we stayed in a relatively cosmetically impressive hotel, which, with our youth worker discount, cost us $99 per night. However, much to our disappointment, our "special requests" were conveniently not guaranteed. Our room had two double beds (hello? married couple on vacation...), NO mini-fridge, NO microwave, and NO complimentary continental breakfast. But then, we come to good ol' Litchfield, IL, where we stay in a good ol' Comfort Inn hotel and are spoiled with a huge king-sized bed, mini-fridge with a sink, a microwave, an indoor pool, and a COMPLIMENTARY BREAKFAST! All this for $39 per night (we have a discount here, as well, as Brad's sister works for the hotel)! Despite the discounts at both locations, our stay at the small town "nowhere, USA" is so much more reasonable and accomodating than the upscale, 12-story hotel in Music City.

But, being in the spirit of "thanks" due to the holiday, I will close simply by saying despite the difference in settings v. cost regarding our hotel stays this week, Brad and I recognize how blessed we are to have been able to take this vacation. We are able to work and earn money and vacation time so that we can have trips like this one. We have family and friends we are able to visit. We have transportation that is reliable enough to take us where we want to be. It is so easy for me to complain about my job, my income, our bills - but, I am so very lucky to have these things to complain about, and none at all.

This is our last day at NYWC. I didn't get a chance to write yesterday. The "digital lounge" here is usually pretty packed, and then when I actually DO get a chance to write, I feel guilty taking up time when there is a line of people behind me.

Yesterday, though, I attended a "super seminar" (which means it was 2 1/2 hours in length as opposed to the average 1 1/2 hours) on being a Youth Pastor's wife. It was more of an open forum, than seminar, as the leader, Cathy Fields, mostly facilitated discussion between women in the room with concerns and suggestions to others on how to better equip ourselves being the wives of men who have unselfishly committed themselves to a career dedicated to helping farm young people into Christ-fearing adults. Whew. that was a long sentence (it was a long seminar). Even though I haven't been giving Cathy Fields a lot of credit (she has been married to a successful youth pastor/author for 20+ years) I did learn a lot from the other women in the room, who have experienced a variety of rough times, dissention within their churches, a lack of time spent with their very dedicated husbands, etc. I came to realize that so far, Brad and I really have not had to deal with the brunt of what some couples have had to go through in their own churches. I learned that I need to have more grace when it comes to criticism from others regarding my husband's job performance. I have to accept that there is a more than likely chance we will have to move on at some point. As scary as that is - as much as I don't want to move away from my comfort zone or leave the students we have come to be so invested in - it is a fact of life and the nature of youth ministry. I am, afterall, a youth pastor's wife, and to quote Cathy Fields, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I learned a new word today: egocentricabstraction. Apparently this means we all have an abstract way of influencing the way others think and behave, but we don't care.

How reckless is that? Here we are as adults with the ability to influence the life of a child, teenager, young adult, yet we act so carelessly with our words, actions, and emotions.

It may seem odd that Brad and I are gaining so much knowledge from people named Tic, Chap, and Marko, but it's true! So far the conference has proven to be uplifting, enlightening, and refreshing - just as I anticipated. Our spirits are being renewed as we are encouraged to "JUMP" (the theme of this year's conference) back into youth ministry with the same young heart we had at the beginning of this incredible journey.

The next General Session is about to start and I've just agreed to let Brad go ahead and find us seats, when finding him will now be quite the challenge in a theater filled with approximately 7500 other zealous youth workers and their undoubtedly committed entourage of volunteers or spouses...

...there are others waiting in line for the limited access to the hot commodity of internet access here at the conference center, so I will leave this post "as is" and write again tomorrow. Tonight we venture to ROCKETOWN here in "Music City, USA" to see a Thousand Foot Krutch/Hawk Nelson concert. Funny how both of these bands have been in Rockford within the last few months, but we finally get to rock out to them here in Nashville...

So my husband told me to post an entry sometime soon as we are getting ready to leave for a 10 day vacation to anytown, USA that just might end with the suffix "ville." Nashville, Knoxville, Evansville... the only exception is Staunton, where his family lives and where we will ultimately end up for Thanksgiving.

Neither of us can begin to tell you how eagerly we have awaited this vacation. This holiday of sorts. Both of us have careers focused on "serving the masses." Brad tries to instill a relationship with Jesus Christ in however obstinent and self-righteous, but fun and self-conscious, pre-teens and teens. Myself, on the other hand, work trying to instill socially acceptable daily functions in people who live in the gravest of conditions. So, when we are presented with an opportunity to go on vacation, we relish in the time together - alone. Which, with the amount of time we are going to spend DRIVING on this trip, will be a lot.

I am going to try and post while we are on vacation, especially since we are starting off by attending the National Youth Worker's Convention in Nashville, TN. This convention is going to spiritually replenish us and give an opportunity to remember WHY we do the work we do. We are going to hear awesome bands (including Jars of Clay - the band I fondly refer to as "my boys"), listen to amazing comedians (who said Christians aren't funny enough to leave your side aching from incessant laughter?), and most of all, be taught by incredible, educated, spiritually strong people who are serious about seeing our minsitries flourish and see the workers, who are blessed by the hand of God for the work they do, be lifted up and encouraged so they maintain, above all, their sanity.