justjoslyn.com

THIS SITE HAS MOVED...

2008-02-24T12:39:00.000-08:00

...by any chance someone should stumble across www.justjoslyn.com and it links to this page, please click the above link to be transferred to the updated, current site for Joslyn Huntsman and most topics associated with her, so says Google after randomly searching for myself out of boredom. C'mon...everyone's doing it these days...

...again, that's www.justjoslyn.com powerd by WordPress. Thanks!

Dear Anonymous Comment Posters

2007-05-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

Mean and judgemental comments are unwanted on this blog. I realize that commenting as "Anonymous" is a safe way to vent and purge hurtful thoughts toward someone without fear of your true character being revealed. I also happen to realize that by posting my thoughts on a blog leaves me vulnerable to having people (some known and others strange) leave comments such as this:

I can't believe that you would write that you have never "felt the urge to succumb to such vices" when you are talking about addictions such as alcholism. Do you think you are better than those that struggle and actually may have had many more life experiences than you? Don't forget ...............YOU DO SuCCUMB to such vices!! FOOD!!!!

However, my feelings are easily hurt and I did not appreciate this comment. So, if that was your attempt, Anonymous Commenter, then you succeeded. But, please don't write any additional mean comments. If you have constructive criticism, then, great! I would love to hear it. Otherwise, just don't type anything at all.

Despite posting personal information about my struggle with weight back in January '06, I never followed through with what I thought would be a good accountability project. Since then I have decided to keep my weight challenges personal.

Obsessions

2007-04-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

I have never considered myself to have an addictive behavior; never felt prone to become an addict of anything. Various members of my extended family suffer from alcoholism, and there is the random criminal amongt them, but I have never felt the urge to succumb to such vices. I enjoy scrapbooking, watching TV, and collecting super dooper poopers of any sort, but never really considered myself an addict to any of these.

I guess the word I need to use to describe my personality is: obsessive. The verb "obsess" can be defined as 1) To preoccupy the mind of excessively, and 2) To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic. On the other hand, to become "addicted" is defined as 1) To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance, or 2) To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively. To the naked eye, these two terms appear very similar and difficult to distinguish. When the definitions of the terms are dissected via the help of a handy dandy internet dictionary reference, they are very clearly different. Alas, I am obsessed.

Some may feel great sorrow (while others will probably be trying to control their gag reflexes) that it has taken me this long to discover what could have been an obsession quite some time ago with the story of Pride & Prejudice. I sadly admit I have never read a Jane Austen book, but have resigned myself to read them all. I have watched the movie, Pride & Prejudice two and a half times in the last week (the half was skipping to all the emotionally wrenching parts between Lizzie and Mr. Darcy that made my chest yearn for such passion in my own life!). I have also revisited my teenage behaviors from when I used to look up any and every movie starring Christian Bale by researching the man who plays Mr. Darcy in the film: Matthew Macfadyen. I plan on watching as many of his movies I can find at my local Family Video, and hope that it does not create any sort of inferiority complex in my dear, sweet, loving husband. My wonderful friend Shannon is bringing me her copy of Pride & Prejudice over Easter weekend when she is town for the holiday and her sister's baby shower. I have to pay my library fine in order to read the other Jane Austen novels...so much to do, so little time...

...along the lines of obsessions, I have decided to regularly post a series of photographs entitled, "Various and Unique Places Yummy the Cat Finds to Sleep." I think it might be relatively entertaining for those who know Yummy or who like cats, in general.

Ongoing Renovation

2007-03-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

I recently replaced the batteries in my camera, and although the flash still doesn't work and we can't afford to either fix it or buy a new one, I am using it to take pictures during the day.

The beautiful weather we experienced this weekend afforded me an opportunity to take some pictures around the outside of the house. I have some ideas for landscaping, and wanted to have pictures on hand to use as templates for possible designs. I have decided to become a little more invested in my yard this year, and although I fear I am getting too lofty with my ideas, it's fun to know that I can control what my yard looks like, because, after all, it is MY yard.

Brad decided to take this week off in between leaving his position at Lou Bachrodt and starting at Gustafson's Furniture on April 1st. He's been doing a lot of work around the yard and some more in the house. He took some new pictures of the house in progress and posted them on my flickr account. When I went to go look at them, I saw some of the original pics we took of the house and was reminded of how much improvement has been made over the last two years. I think I need to be reminded every once in awhile of how much progress has been made even if I sometimes feel like it's never going to be done...

Tile on the walls, carpeted floors.

Demolition!

Our IKEA sink freshly installed

Drywalled and mudded...

First set of cabinets installed, walls painted.

Shelving units with Crate and Barrel bowls (wedding gift from Kathy P.!)

Happy New Year!

2007-01-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

I read once somewhere that to help reduce stress around the holidays, a person should write a New Year letter instead of feeling pressured to write a Christmas letter to include in their cards. I may have stretched the “New Year” portion of the suggestion to the fullest – this letter is being written closer to “Valentine’s Day” than January 1st. Alas, it is a letter, and I am getting it done. What is that old adage, “Better late than never?” Okay, then.

The year 2006 proved to be full of unexpected situations and blessings in disguise. The year started off rather uneventful. January and February flew by, I celebrated my 28th birthday in March…then April happened.

At the end of April, Brad and I said good bye to Roscoe United Methodist Church, where and I had attended since a child and Brad worked as the Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministries since the summer of 2002. The conditions surrounding our departure from the church were less than ideal and resulted in a lot of hurt feelings and heartache for many people. Brad and I continue to heal (I seem to be taking longer in the forgiveness part, but I know through the grace of God, and in my own time, will be able to bury my anger) and have tried to face the end of our relationship with Roscoe UMC as the beginning of an opportunity to explore new churches in the area – churches that better suit our ministry vision and style of worship. After visiting several area churches, we decided to plant our hearts at Heartland Church in Rockford. Both Brad and I have recently started volunteering in various areas at the church, and look forward to becoming more invested as time goes on.

In June, Brad began working at Lou Bachrodt Auto Mall in Cherry Valley as a Sales and Leasing Consultant. He has received a lot of praise from both clients and supervisors for having a positive and honest attitude, and although we are finding out first hand that the income in car sales fluctuates, Brad is proving he can, in fact, sell a car! Many people have agreed with Brad when he says that being in sales is very similar to being in ministry…

My only claim to fame this year was starting graduate school in August, but that didn’t last long! I attended one semester at Aurora University in the Masters in Social Work program before realizing that financially, it was not such a good idea and that I needed to re-evaluate my priorities. I really needed to be working full time to achieve our goal of being debt-free before we start a family. The good news is, I got straight A’s this semester and plan to transfer those credits in the future!

We also added a four-legged friend to our family in August! Bailey was adopted on August 14 through Central Illinois Sheltie Rescue. He is a 10-year old small Sheltie whose history is unknown other than he was surrendered by a family moving to Arizona. He is such a fun dog, and definitely a mama’s boy. Bailey loves to cuddle with me on my recliner and practically sings and dances when I come home! He is really healthy and acts young for his age, too -- even the vet guessed him to be only 7! Oh, and Brad turned 28 in August, too. He looks and acts 28, though, so don't let him try and fool you.

Yummy the cat didn’t seem too put out by her new furry sibling. She likes to wait for Bailey to come around the corner and jump out at him. Sometimes, he doesn’t take it too well and I have to break up a near fight. As I type this, Yummy is asleep on my desk, as was her usual position while I was in school when I typed papers. Her feathery fur is hard to resist and quite a distraction!

Brad and I continue to work on the renovation of our sweet fixer-upper of a home, but not very aggressively. We do what we can with what we are given and with what funds are available in which to do the work. There are usually a few things new in the home for guests to admire (or question) when they stop by. The excitement of what the house is becoming and the potential it has to further evolve is alive and well in both of us.

I believe that sums up the year 2006 as it applied to the Huntsman family this year. In print it does not seem much, but when reflecting on everything I get a little overwhelmed and have to take a breath. Throughout everything we experienced this year, I can honestly say that neither of us doubted God’s plan for us or believed He had forsaken us. Our faith remained strong and we continued to seek His will for us. We thank the Lord for amazing people in our life that supported us emotionally, physically, in prayer, and at times, financially! Without the love and commitment provided by our family and friends, Brad and I may not find ourselves in such a healthy place right now.

May 2007 bring you and your family lots of love, joy, blessings, and fun!

All our love,

The Huntsmans!

Things to come...

2006-12-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

I realize I have not posted in awhile, and when I did post, the topics were relatively shallow and meant for entertainment. However, school is officially over for the semester as of yesterday, and here I am, quick to post on my ever-popular blog. My mind has been reeling with ideas on which to write about, and now hopefully I will have more "alone time" to actually publish my intricate thoughts and life happenings.

Which brings me to the section of this particular post where I tantalize you all with a glimpse of upcoming posts (because I know you sit at your computer, checking justjoslyn.com almost daily with anticipation to see what new and improved bright ideas I have chosen to write about).

--ADD interruptions: the most recent Jars of Clay song "Dead Man" is currently playing on the radio and I am reminded how I didn't even recognize the song when it first started playing because Dan Haseltine's voice is somewhat syncopated more than usual, and the music is reminisce of a 70s tune. Anyway, I love the song with a love like a mother feels for her children, even as they change through the years, because, they are, in fact her children...just as Jars of Clay are my "boyz."--

Coming up soon, on www.justjoslyn.com:

- I will disclose a very important decision made on behalf of my life and future, which will undeniably disappoint some people, whereas others will care less because, after all, it's my life.

- I will give an update on my 2006 "goals."

- An end-of-the-year letter with pictures will be posted in mid-January.

- Pictures of scrapbook layouts I have worked on will be published on this site, not just for the enjoyment of others, but in attempt to spark a domino-effect of interest in those who may want to purchase pre-made layout scrapbooks for themselves or others.

- Stay tuned for an updated look of this blog, too, as I try and recruit my husband to add a certain flare to the site that only he is capable of accomplishing.

Well, those are just a few of the topics of future posts, so I hope my friends and family will continue to check back and perhaps recommend the blog to others to feed the all-to-common voyeuristic tendencies of Americans today. And, maybe someone will consider it a source of guilty pleasure...

Moments of Joy

2006-11-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

I guess my last post disappointed some people with its fluff and lack of sustenance. What people don't realize (but I am going to tell them now) is that I am always thinking of how I want to write a post about everything I am learning in grad school, and how my eyes have been opened to the crazy world of politics and that it is possible to be in the same class as people who think it is okay to refer to themself as a "c---" (they embrace the term) and to walk into class 20 minutes late 2/3 the way through the semester and claim they thought class started at 11:00.

And although I will eventually discuss my ever-changing outlook on this humanity-forsaken world, currently my heart is more heavily weighed down with yet another relationship debaucle. That's right. I'm talking about Brit and K-Fed. Time and time again celebrities are proving that, despite their fervent efforts to prove otherwise, YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ IN THE TABLOIDS.

However, I am able to find a moment of relief amongst all the disappointment I feel towards the celebrities I have really pulled for to make it through the angst of living in Hollywood and gossip surrounding their paparazzi-filled relationships and the irritation that wells up inside me 2/5 of the week sitting in graduate-level classes with students who cannot seem to make any type of serious point while they babble on about their troubled childhoods. I am able to count on one thing to remain a source of enjoyment in my life.

My sister dressing up as a giant whoopie cushion.

"A rose by any other name is still a rose..."

2006-10-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

There has been some discussion lately regarding the gender orientation of the name, Bailey. Although Bailey came to us already named, I feel somewhat of a responsibility to defend his name, and that it is definitely a boy name.

It has been my experience in life that Bailey is a boy name. Apparently it has become increasingly popular for girls, as well. However, whenever I hear the name, I think boy. A lot of people think girl.

Because there are so many other things to research in life, I looked up the name Bailey on The Baby Name Wizard's NameVoyager. According to this website, the name Bailey was being assigned to little boys as early as the 188o's. However, that is as close as I get to winning the argument that Bailey is primarily a boy name.

I verified information on the Social Security website (which is a very unlikely place to find history of a given name's popularity over the years...very helpful for any of my friends expecting children or expect to be expecting children). In 1996, the year Bailey was born, it was the 200th most popular name for boys. In 2005, the popularity of Bailey for boys dropped to the 512th spot.

Further research shows that Bailey remains a more popular moniker for girls over boys. In 1996, the name was the 85th most popular girl name, and in 2005, it was the 108th. Now, I do not know what the ratio of male births to female births was for either of those years, but I willing to concede to the opposing argument. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong only after and in-depth investigation has taken place and insurmountable evidence points to that conclusion. Let it be known that Bailey was not my first name for a dog, but it beats out the names of some of the dogs I was looking at adopting: "Cooney," "Icey," or "Tula." What's nice about the name Bailey is that it rhymes with "baby," which Bailey equally responds to. I think our Bailey fits his name perfectly -- regardless of its gender origination.

I am left with one more question, though. What about Scott Wolf's character in the series "Party of Five" from the nineties? His name was Bailey and he was a very cute boy!

Introducing...

2006-08-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

Bailey!

Born: July 1, 1996

Gotcha day: August 14, 2006

Weight: 14 lbs.

Gender: Male

As you can see, Brad and I finally came to an agreement and added to our family this past Monday, August 14. I drove out to south Chicago with a friend to pick up this little guy after it was suggested by the Director of Central Illinois Sheltie Rescue that he was perfect for our family and lifestyle. She described Bailey as "the perfect little gentleman." There is no such thing as a "miniature Sheltie," but Bailey is definitely on the smaller size! Although he is 10 years old, he has been observed as acting more like a 5 year old (which, as the days go by, we are starting to see for ourselves)!

According to Bailey's foster mom of 10 days, he was surrendered by a family who was moving to Arizona. The disturbing part of the story is that they had two other bigger dogs they were taking with them! How could someone own a dog for 10 years and just leave it? Especially this little guy? I don't know, and neither did his foster mom, but if the family would have taken him, the Huntsman's would not have been able to adopt him!

I can't even begin to describe how I fell in love with Bailey when I first saw him! He ran right out to the driveway to meet me and my friend when we arrived. He has a cute little turned-up nose and long, black hair framing his face.

I didn't tell my parents any of the plans as they were evolving, but once I knew I would be driving to Chicago to get Bailey Monday night, I cordially invited my parents over for dinner on Tuesday. My mom asked, "is there a special occasion?" -- to which I replied, "no."

Needless to say, when my parents walked in Tuesday night they were pleasantly surprised. Bailey greeted my mom like a little gentleman, whereas he barked and barked at my dad (no one really knows why since Bailey really hadn't barked up until then). My dad is in love, and my mom just smiled and hugged both me and Brad and said to him, "you must really love my daughter."

This post is just to please those of you who have actually requested that I post!!

2006-08-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

It seems as if the demands to be a better friend by those who have claimed I don't call, don't write, don't visit, and don't post on my blog have finally affected me to the point that I am giving in. Well, at least the posting part.

Despite having laid awake countless nights composing in my mind what would be my next post, inevitably containing the most recent "Huntsman Happenings" -- because it's only fair that we keep everyone updated -- I don't want this blog to become foremost an online diary of what's happening in Joslyn & Brad's life, but to be a compilation of overly dramatic and exaggerated narratives, seasoned with random updates of what is going on in the beautiful Park of Machesney.

To humor those who have adamantly requested a new post (ahem, Shannon), here you go:

Brad and I would like to announce the birth of our new niece, Abigayl JoAnn Combs, born July 25, 2006. Included in the body of this text is the only photo of her we have been privileged to view -- from the hospital's public website. You'd think the child was the spawn of Katie & Tom with how secretively her image has been kept even from immediate family members! I will be sensitive to the fact that not everyone has a digital camera, or the time to scan photos, but it's been 2 1/2 weeks and Auntie Joslyn is coming down with the shakes from the anxiety and belief that I have certain rights not available to others being that I am the Aunt. I think Brad's family should be counting their lucky stars right now that we don't live any closer and that they have at least 4 hours notice to prepare for my arrival when I get the bee in my bonnet to go see my niece. If we did live any closer, I could be at that house every moment I had free just to be near that baby and to make sure she knew I was her Auntie Joslyn and that no matter how crazy I am, nothing could ever change that (insert half-hearted evil laugh, as not to scare the baby)!

Abigayl JoAnn Combs

7 lbs. 10 oz.

20 inches

For anyone else whose husband might be looking for work

2006-06-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

As seen in the Stateline Shopping News:

"WANTED: 99 Male singers call Clint at 608-755-1290"

Brad's new job

2006-06-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

"So, do you think you are going to be able to sell cars?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I can."

"Well, you sold me on marrying you..."

Wanting to Win Soooo Badly!

2006-06-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I am typing this right now seeing as how much work I have to do before leaving tonight for the four hour trip it is to Brad's parents' house. His 17- year old sister's baby shower is tomorrow. That's right. Baby Shower. The graduation party was two weeks ago. But I cannot seem to concentrate on my work because I am so preoccupied with something. Something serious. Something that could change my life forever. Something that could either make or break my marriage with Brad. I just feel like I need to get it off my chest and maybe then I'll be able to stay focused and be efficient. I am constantly building my argument in my head and am having a really hard time being creative while trying to write an assessment on why I think a child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

What could possibly be so serious that I am both highly distracted from my work (not that it takes much) and afraid of the effect it could have on my relationship with Brad? This is what I am struggling with:

Meet "Icey" and "Scout." Both are available for adoption through the Michigan Sheltie Rescue, and are willing to adopt out of state! How could anyone possibly say "NO" to either of these beautiful faces?

Well, Brad could. And has. Not to these two, but to many, many others. In fact, he is so against us getting a dog that he will not even agree to fostering a dog, which from what I understand, costs minimally anything.

I realize Brad is currently still unemployed, but he has been in training for what could be a very lucrative job if he does well. He is committed for at least 90 days (in order for us to get reimbursed for the $500 training fee), so we have the prospect of an income again.

Here is the jist of my entire argument:

1) Brad insists we don't have the funds for a dog, but my destitute friend Shannon manages to support two dogs. I have a full-time income and with Tupperware money, am fully prepared to be the sole provider for the dog. Yes, we still plan on completing our debt recovery program, but what if we already had the dog? We would not be getting rid of it just to pay our debt faster!

2) Brad has really enjoyed several dogs he has ever come into contact with. At my friend's wedding in January 2005, he met her Miniature Pinscher, Dallas. Shortly after the wedding, Brad was looking on www.petfinder.com for adoptable Min Pins, and that was when we were still in our one bedroom apartment! He loves my friends' dog, Maggie, who was rescued in Tennessee by Shannon (again). Figures they would fall in love with her, and by the time we had our house and the space for her, they didn't want to give her up (we don't blame you, Chris & Court)! These are just a few examples, and there are only a few select dogs Brad had less than ideal experiences with, and if we were to take into consideration their owners, it isn't surprising why!

3) Brad didn't know I was bringing Yummy home, until I was already at the vet with her. For the first few hours he didn't seem to want a lot to do with her, but by the end of the night was bringing her to bed with us because he couldn't stand to hear her meow in the bathroom (where we had decided to keep her so she wouldn't get lost in any of the open crevaces that were once in the house). He insists the cat is mine, which is fine, because I am the one who, the majority of time, feeds her, buys her food, changes her litter box, buys her litter, clips her toenails (Brad helps hold her sometimes), uses the kitty wipes on her, combs her, and takes her to the vet. Brad will participate in some of the aforementioned duties when it suits him. And, because Brad is going to read this eventually: I AM NOT HOLDING A GRUDGE. I love taking care of Yummy, and am fully prepared to take full responsibilty for a dog, as well. That was the point of #3.

4) I need to exercise, and I think having a dog to walk would make the event much more enjoyable. There is a dog park in our neighborhood that I am just itching to experience, as I have never been to a dog park and am really excited to take a dog there! That, and although Yummy is a very good traveler, I cannot take her to parks, bike paths, or other fun-filled places where dogs are allowed.

5) Speaking of Yummy, she is spoiled and needs a sibling. She is under the impression that she is in charge of the house, and even though I admit we are guilty of spoiling her, it's because she is the only pet. She is the only domesticated animal in our home for us to shower unsolcited affection on! I strongly believe that introducing a sibling into the home will not only increase her socialization skills, but will help her realize that the world as she knows it at the Huntsman House does not revolve around her cute little self!

6) The more obstinate Brad is about not getting a dog, the more whiney and persistent I will be about getting a dog. I don't want to go aganist the part in the marriage vows where it says to trust and obey (if those were in ours...Brad insists he was the only one who listened to our vows and he may be right), but I am becoming very anxious, and we all know how obsessive I can be when faced with oppostion to something I really want.

7) We have a HUGE yard! We move into this quaint fixer upper with almost an acre of land, and it is being neglected. The yard is perfect for the pitter patter of four little paws racing through it catching a ball, frisbee, rabbits - you name it! Granted, we have to finish fencing off the yard before we will be allowed to adopt, but I have that all figured out, too! Additional fencing will pull the yard together and will increase the cosmetic value of the house. What is especially cool is that Scout, dog #2 above, is really into agility courses, so we could set one up in our backyard and invite people over to watch him (maybe even charge admission) or enter him into contests (and win money)...dog beauty competitions (cash prizes)...

...and people say a dog costs money.

Flashbacks

2006-06-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that high school was my personal hell which seems to contradict my recent gung-ho behavior towards my impending "10-year Reunion." However, I absolutely hated being in high school. My only decent memories are extracted from my experience with the band, and I am oddly comfortable admitting this on my public website. Yes, that's right, I embraced my band-geekiness, even advocating that students wear their band shirts on game days, much like the cheerleaders, dance team, and players would. I was laughed at and taken anything but seriously.

I am not entirely negative about those horrid four years of life, as I do have several good memories. One of which is reflected in my new title. Shannon and Crista and I would have sleep overs at each other's homes (mostly Shannon's, though, since she had a pimped-out basement complete with carpeted metal poles, a menagerie of coke paraphernalia, and a cool counter top that looked like a bar, but really just had board games stored in it). These sleepovers (which did include sleep, since I was involved) never went without the appropriate sized stash of full-calorie Mt. Dew and double-stuffed Oreos. We could exist the entire night and early morning simply on this combination of caffeine and disgusting amount of sugar. I am careful to make the distinction between full-calorie Mt. Dew and Diet Mt. Dew, because at the time, we would rather drink back-washed flouride treatment than Diet Mt. Dew. The absurdity! Flash-forward three years when we all three seemed to have an epiphany while sharing a dorm room at NIU and trying to ward off evil freshman, that Diet Mt. Dew was actually sort of...what?...refreshing and light? I think Erin Hade reintroduced us to the healthier form of the drink we could formerly not live without as she appeared to have her own dorm room stocked with the tasty beverage -- and this was before people started freaking about the Y2K scare. I have now gone a step lower by preferring Caffeine Free Diet Mt. Dew, which some people claim is like drinking "colored water." Ahem. What a glorious day that would be when Diet Mt. Dew flows freely from my kitchen faucet, and its glorious yellow-green hue and sweet citrus taste can be obtained at my will to quench the thirst that craves the drink daily.

I was prompted to write this post after reading an MSN article that can be found here. I think many of you will enjoy it if you haven't read it already, and it makes my insecure high school alter-ego feel so much better about myself and that I never married John Cusak (or was ever serenaded by a man in a tan trench coat outside my window with a giant boombox).

My Statement of Purpose...for my Master's degree, not life.

2006-05-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

Here is what I wrote for the portion of my Master's degree application that required a "Statement of Purpose." I had to answer specific questions in the form of a narrative, and I thought I would post it here for comment. Not that it really inspires much comment, but this way my devoted friends and relatives can get a glimpse of why I do what I do even when it causes me so much heartache at times.

Statement of Purpose
Aurora University
Submitted by: Joslyn K. Huntsman, MSW program applicant

I have a very vivid memory from around the age of 8 or 9, standing in my basement playroom in front of the kid-sized chalkboard my parents had bought for my sister and me. As I wrote on the chalkboard, my students (various sized stuffed animals and dolls) sat quietly and all in a row on the floor, eagerly waiting for the lesson of the day.
I was confident at that time in my life that I was going to be a teacher. I cannot count the times my career plans changed from that time on, but it didn’t take long after enrolling in my first Sociology class at Rock Valley Community College that I knew I was called to work in the social services field. My personal belief is that I have so much to give those with so little. Maybe I give myself too much credit, but I know that this world is
full of so much grief and heartache, and that one person can make a difference.

At this time in my life I am very blessed with a secure job at a local social service agency, where the management is very flexible and encouraging of advanced education. I am allowed the opportunity to work part-time, without having to change
positions, and can ultimately create my own work schedule. This freedom allows me to pursue my Master’s in Social Work full time, while continuing to learn from my work experiences and earn an income. It took awhile for me to become serious about pursuing graduate work, but when the decision was made, I knew it was right – and at the right time.

I believe my personal strength in the field of social work is my ability to be real with my clients. I work very hard at establishing rapport with the people I work with by recognizing our differences, and being honest about them, but also making sure to express my sincere desire to help the family work towards stability. I think the various types of clientele I have worked with appreciate my frankness regarding their situation and realize that although we are different, we can work together towards the same goal. I validate their concerns and anger, but bring to the table how they can change their situation and how I can help them. As for my major weakness – I am easily disappointed by people’s poor choices in life. In my former position as an Intact Family Case Manager, I would see families every week, and sometimes would get very frustrated with their lack of progress in services, or their blatant disregard for doing what was best for their children. I had to take time to realize that I was helping this
family – even if I couldn’t see it or they hadn’t utilized it, but that I had touched this family’s life one way or another. At some point I had to let go and just hope that the family would make better choices and have faith that other people in their lives would do what was right for the children if the situation worsened.

It is an unrealistic expectation for anyone entering the field of social work to think that the world is strictly black and white and that situations can always be solved by reading a text book. Relatively speaking, I have only been in the field a short time, yet
have experienced working with same-sex couples, parents with gender issues and
obesity, and even middle-class families with serious abuse and neglect issues. At one point after I had just graduated college, I was encouraged to apply for a position at my church working with the youth. I told my father – I don’t feel called to work full-time with kids from good homes. Volunteer with them, yes. But, I know that my place is working with the disadvantaged and chaotic. And I believe I do a good job relating to my
clients from all walks of life.

I hope that my detailed narrative thus far has shown an accurate depiction of how my beliefs are congruent with that of Aurora University’s School of Social Work Mission and Core Values. In most cases, the clientele we service have grown up in dysfunction and do not know anything different. To most of them, their case managers and counselors are the only stable people in their lives. We are their windows to function and stability. Through education, case workers like myself will be given additional tools – better skills – to work more effectively with the disadvantaged population, helping to facilitate an increase in changed behaviors. By educating the community, we can hope more people will be encouraged to take a stand and be the mentors and heroes so
desperately needed by our clientele.

Upon graduation from Northern Illinois University in 2000, my cumulative Grade Point Average was 2.600. My explanation for this is relatively simple: I had a different ideal about school, one that included going to class and achieving decent enough grades to graduate successfully. I can honestly say my view of education has changed
greatly in the last six years, and I now look forward to advancing in knowledge and skill in order to be better equipped in the field of social work.

I would like to conclude this narrative by thanking you for considering my complete application to Aurora University’s Master of Social Work program. I believe my ability to offer unique insight and participation in my coursework, would overall prove to be an asset to your program.

How much Brad is loved

2006-05-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

There are some serious entrepeneurs in the Student Ministry program Brad created (and was then asked to leave), and not only are these young businessmen and women intelligent and creative, but they are activists, as well!

Humor us and check out Eric's line of T-shirts and other apparel. I didn't want to spoil the experience by posting an image of the clothing, so this post is sort of bland.

I do plan on writing more about the experience Brad and I have been going through for those of you who haven't been privy to the information before now. Brad wants me to be "mature" and just be at peace with the fact that God obviously has other plans for us, but I can't help but feel that something has to be done about the way all of this played out. It just doesn't feel right to me to let it go...not yet.

God is real, and He speaks to us

2006-05-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Last night I sat down at the computer after Brad had been on it, and he had left open a blog he reads regularly, posted by the President of Youth Specialties. After reading the post, I demanded to know if Brad had written it, because it was so amazingly pertinent to what we have been going through that I could not believe the irony of it! And that is just the thing, it wasn't ironic -- it was God speaking to us through this man that, although we have seen him at conferences, have never met. The post is here.

This is not the only instance recently that has reinforced my faith in the Lord and His omniscience. Friends tells us that they have been praying for us, and then will receive Bible verses and quotes from their friends that speak to our situation. And these are people who are not even aware of what we are going through. One of my best friends from high school had an article written about her in the local newspaper not too long ago, based on her excellence in teaching. Shortly after Brad was asked to resign, a student's grandma stopped by and quoted to me something Carrie had said in her interview, that was appropriate to our situation. She didn't even know that Carrie was such a good friend of mine, and at the time of Carrie's interview, Brad still had his job!

So as you can see, I am overwhelmed by the awesome ways God is showing Himself to us during this time of uncertainty. It is more than reassuring to know that He will take care of us, and He will take care of you, too.

this card scares Shannon

2006-05-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

This is the card I received from my friend Crista about a month and a half ago in honor of my 28th birthday. I thought it was a very clever card and that it was a good likeness of me.

I later learned from my friend Shannon that it actually scared her. In fact, she said it almost scared her as much as clowns do. Which, is a lot because Shannon is very scared of clowns. Really.

I'm trying to get more people to comment on this site, so this is my formal invitation for those of you who read justjoslyn.com to please comment on what you think about this card. Cute or creepy? What are the dots above her eyes? Is Joslyn's face really that round? Should I wear my hair in pigtails more often? What are your thoughts?

Love you all,
Joslyn

Passing down the tiara

2006-05-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago it seemed as if I was always sending invitations to people to come over for a hom demonstration party, i.e. Tupperware, jewelry, Creative Memories. I could almost imagine some of my friends' responses as they received yet another invitation to one of my parties: "Joslyn is having another person in her home to sell us stuff?? I'm broke!" However, I am proud to say that my self-imposed title of "Queen of the Home Party" has been passed down to my good friend, Amy.

Not only is Amy the ultimate hostess (awesome food, immaculate presentation, cordial and intentional about making everyone feel welcome and loved) she has parties to help her friends businesses! I was grateful to her for opening her home for one of my first Tupperware parties. She didn't give me any grief about it and was excited about the opportunity to help me out (and to earn her own free stuff)! I love being invited to Amy's home parties, and instead of letting myself feel like I "have" to buy something, I try to think of who I can buy something for. Is anyone's birthday coming up? Or any other gift-giving holiday? That way, I don't feel bad about buying myself something that I cannot justify in the budget, but I am still helping my friend and getting some shopping done in the mean time. Besides, I don't think my family and friends want gifts of Tupperware for every occasion (even though it is very versatile).

Another perk with attending home parties is that you get to see friends! Yes, that's right. It's the same reason you would go to any other party where the purchase of some seemingly over-priced product is not otherwise required. Now that my friend Jill and her family have moved back to the area, it is almost a guarantee that I get to see her when I go to Amy's! That is, unless she is busy fulfilling her wife-of-the-youth-pastor duties at some church function. On this Friday, however, Jill was in attendance and full of fun as ever (even though I admitted to her my disappointment that she did not bring Jackson. I guess he was sick or something...not that I really bought that excuse).

Our insta-teen Kira was also with us, and said she had a good time, but what does she tell Brad about our girls night out? That she learned different ways to give someone the middle-finger. Great. Just what two wives-of-youth-pastors should be teaching impressionable minds. Luckily for everyone involved, Kira is a level-headed, mature young lady with an even more awesome sense of humor.

Here are some pictures from Friday, again, taken with the trusty camera phone since our expensive digital camera is not only without a functioning flash, but also out of batteries. Please read the captions so that no one is unfairly incriminated based on assumed behaviors depicted in the photos (that was for you, Jill)!

Amy and Jill

(a.k.a. "The hostess with the mostest" and "The Pill")
Otis, pretending he is a person. What? He isn't?
Jill, holding an empty martini glass that was only at one time filled with a non-alcoholic spritzer!
Kira and Jill cleaning up while Joslyn sat at the table keeping Otis company.

The Arrival of JRS

2006-05-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my friends, Emily and Jeremy Skolozynski on the birth of their baby boy, Joshua. He came into the world at 2:44pm (EST) on Sunday, April 30, 2006! It's pretty amazing that I have a friend with TWO kids, now... Note to Emily: will you wait for me to catch up? Please?

This is big sister, Tyler Christine. She obviously loves her baby brother.

Joshua Ronald Skolozynski
8 lbs., 7 oz.
21 inches long

Haste makes waste

2006-04-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I should not have posted that last blog, so I am deleting it. Thank you for all the support and comments that make me laugh!

At this time, Brad & I have to ask that the topic of our departure from RUMC be on the DL for awhile, as our livelihood depends on it.

Love you,
Joslyn

Not a Christian holiday for nothing

2006-04-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

All weekend long I've been trying to teach not only elementary school kids the true meaning of Easter, but my 8th grade confirmation kids, as well. Some get it... some do not. Some kids ask the same questions year after year... "Why do we call it "Good" Friday if it is when Jesus died?" "How long was Jesus dead before he came back to life?" "What do you mean, the Easter bunny doesn't exist?"

While volunteering at Centennial United Methodist Church yesterday for our annual stint as directors of the beloved Easter Egg hunt at "Saturday Morning Kids Club," I heard an interesting comparison to our yearly "hunt" for Easter eggs with the "hunt" we are on every day of our life to find Jesus amongst the chaos and sadness we often face. But, just like we need to open our eyes to find hidden Easter eggs, we must also open our eyes to see the miraculous and mysterious ways the Lord is working, even when it might seem too much to bear.

And now, for a little humor...

Happy Easter!

Adventures in Machesney Parkansas

2006-03-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

I would definitely be lying to all my faithful blog readers if I said my birthday weekend was relaxing and uneventful. The weekend was crazy fun -- both in the literal sense and separately.

Jackson's Birthday Party (3/17/06)

I had an incredible night on St. Patty's Day, more importantly titled "Jackson's Birthday." My head hurt so bad that night from laughing and laughing, and talking LOUD so people could hear me, and laughing some more. My butt hurt, too, from all the butt slaps from Amy and Jill...mostly from Jill 'cause that girl gives a mean butt slap. The flash on our camera is not working, so I was not able to get any pictures of me and the girls (or me and Jackson a.k.a. "the infant playa" for that matter) and I checked T.J.'s Xanga site (Jill's hubby) for a pic he took of the 3 of us, but it isn't posted. Here is Jackson's 1 year picture to commemorate his St. Patty's Day / The Wiggles-themed birthday party and his first picture on justjoslyn.com!!

My Birthday (3/18/06)

My 28th birthday was relatively uneventful, but I was blessed to be able to spend the evening with not only my parents, but my good friends Amy and Cory, as well. Yes, Brad was there too, and one of our youth, Kira, who happens to be staying with us for awhile. My mom cooked a delicious inter-ethnic meal of enchiladas, Mexican rice, and Greek salad. And so to stay within common practice of the Hagstrom family, where no uneaten food is left behind, we had "left-over-St. Patrick's Day-green-pistachio-cake-with confetti sprinkles-added to it for the birthday effect" as dessert. I spent the evening talking genealogy with my Dad (what Brad calls "researching my dead relatives"), showing Amy my MySpace site (which Brad calls my new "time waster" [and it's www.myspace.com/justjoslyn for those interested]), and listening to Cory unashamedly tell stories about his poop extravaganzas. I don't have any pictures from this night, either, and my Mom was the designated photogropher, but I didn't like any of her shots (go figure). So instead I will post an image of the DVD Brad bought me that I was so excited about... even if it did follow a "Happy Bar Mitzvah" card. And it's only been a year and a half of marriage.

Life Lessons in Trespassing (3/19/06)

Sunday's events started about very pleasantly. We had plans to go to Cinderella at the high school, which was performed very well, with excellent singers cast as the leads! I was able to sit between some of my favorite junior high girls - Audi and Amanda - who, without knowing it, provide me such joy and remind me of how cool it is that I know them! After the musical, Brad and I car-pooled the high school students to a pizza dinner at our house. Needless to say, with the number of boys out-numbering the girls, the pizza was gone in less than 10 minutes after delivery. This creates a "dead time" issue, which was eventually filled for most of the boys by going out to play football with Brad. However, I was left with the remainder of the students, and before long, our idle conversation had become less than enthralling. Not being such a great "think-on-your-feet-event planner" I suggested that the slew of them go scope out the vacant trailer property across the street, as I was going to report it as an eye sore to the Village. I was going to explore the property myself eventually anyway, and I had already taken preliminary pictures of the rusty trailer and abandoned cars in the driveway. There were no "No Trespassing" signs posted and there was clearly no one living on the property. Apparently I am an idiot, and took for granted that I knew the law as it applies to Trespassing. Before I could even come up with a witty response for Brad when he comes back in the house to ask if I was "keeping an eye on the girls" and that the neighbors were over there with them, Lauren is calling me frantically stating, "the neighbors are calling the police and they won't let us leave." I hear the tears start to come and I tell her I'll be right over. As I approach the property, I calmly ask the woman on the cell phone (who also happens to be missing several of her front teeth and has previously been riding her 4-wheeler around her back yard) if there was anyway we could settle this misunderstanding without the police, to which she answers, "they are already on the phone." I calmly ask her if she could tell them not to come. She says, "the owners don't want this and there's been a problem in the past..." I tell the students to come with me, to which the woman responds, "they have to stay here." I calmly reply, tell the police to come talk to me across the street.

At about this time, the students' parents are arriving to pick them up, and the woman across the street is taking down the license plate numbers of every car leaving our driveway. Needless to say, the police did come to the scene of the crime, and I did get a slap on the wrist for poor judgement, but not without explaining that the property has no signs posted, and if the owners of the property have had problems with trespassing before, it seems this would be a normal response. I also learned from the friendly Machesney Park police that the owners of the property are waiting for the Village to buy it and demolish the trailer and sell the land. If this is truly the case (praise be to God if it is) then why is anybody concerned about anyone entering the property and doing anything to it? Despite my rationale for the entire event, I apologized to the police for endorsing such delinquent behavior and assured them that we would have adequate activities planned at our next event. I also wrote an apology letter to the said-toothless woman requesting her forgiveness and trust in me as a capable neighbor, because that is what makes me feel better about myself -- having ghetto hillbillies accept me as one of their own. You can read more about this event as told by one of the students looking outside-in at the event here. I am also posting the photos I took of the property last week for an added visual.

Interesting Church Flyer

2006-03-13T08:22:00.000-08:00

Would you go to a church advertising with this image?

I don't even know how to title this one...

2006-03-08T20:22:00.000-08:00

Even as a child, Kate was teaching us about current fashion. Notice the curled bangs, sprayed in a nice arch and off to the side and the over-sized glasses (yes, I had them, too!).

Then we move to the outfit. A baggy turtle neck paired with a tapestry vest. Classic.

The most important thing is that she is smiling.

Another shout out in honor of Kate turning the big #26 on Friday... 2 days and counting!

Braids and Pigtails

2006-03-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

It may be 10:15pm, but I am still technically posting this on Monday - the 2nd day in Kate's big birthday week. If you notice in this picture, we are both pulling on our baby rings. Our mom loved to have us wear them, but stopped putting them on us in pictures because we couldn't stop playing with them! It obviously didn't stop us from focusing on the camera... we are such hams for the camera. Even to this day. The fascination with rings didn't stop, either. Kate LOVES a good ring when she sees one.

It's Kate's Birthday Week!

2006-03-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

This is not what I would traditionallly post about, and it is sort of a long story why this picture is on here, but my sister does turn the big 2-6 this coming Friday... she will officially be closer to 30 than 20! Check back each day as I will post additional pictures that will probably make Kate wish she had been more interested in getting her baby pictures away from her scrapbooking sister.

FREE Therapy is Good

2006-03-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

I truly believe that everyone needs a friend who is a licensed therapist in order to benefit from casual, comfortable, FREE therapy.

I went to lunch with my friend Therasa on Monday, and feel as if I received the best guidance and suggested techniques for dealing with my current issues than from either of my doctors or the counselor I saw through the Employee Assistance Program. And it was FREE!

This is not to discredit the support I receive from my friends who are otherwise not licensed therapists, or from my friend Amy, who has also offered me FREE therapy on occasion. I love getting words of encouragement and advice from all of my loved ones (although I don't always want to listen to my mother, big surprise).

So, I bid you all well and hope that you will all seek out a friend, or two, that are able to provide you the support and educated direction on how to take control of your own behavior and thought processes. And, make sure they will do this for FREE!

Who can resist the desire to have children after seeing these pictures?

2006-02-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

Tyler Christine here, again, folks. She turned 1 year old on February 7th, and like a very bad sudo-aunt, I did not send a birthday card. Will she remember this? Only if her mother reminds her every year for the rest of her life. Lucky for me, her mother is not a bitter, resentful person, and although sending a card would have been the right thing to do, she will not hold it against me. Right, Emily? Right?

Peace, Love, and...Rock and Roll!

C'mon. Give the kid a break! Being one year old is really draining.

Trials, Tribulations, and just being Tired

2006-02-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

I am writing this post mostly to thank my friends for their persistent attempts to make contact with me, despite my recent withdrawal from anything social. A lot has been going on lately, some good and some I am still trying to figure out. I don't want to take for granted that people read my blog, but then again, I guess it is a good way to keep people updated, regardless of whether or not it's positive or negative. It's about being real.

About a month ago I went to see a counselor through the "Employee Assistance Program" paid for by the agency I work for. I finally made the appointment after taking a day off of work due to feeling overwhelmingly tired and lethargic. At one point that day I had told Brad to be nice to me because I had just woken up, to which he responded, "yeah - for the third time today."

[Prior to seeing the counselor, however, I went to see my primary physician after tolerating increasingly frequent migraine headaches and to talk about the lethargy thing. My bloodwork tested negative for whatever they tested for (thyroid function being one) and the doctor increased my Zoloft dosage, instructed me to keep using the Excedrin Migraine, and to come back in a month.]

Back to the part about the counselor -- without getting too involved, I was basically told to quit my job, and that it wasn't worth "sticking it out" for six months until I start grad school because I would be jeopardizing my emotional health. Two weeks later, I interviewed and was offered a position at the same agency where I work now, but for just six months to cover another employee's maternity leave. Temporary? It works out well for me, because in August, I'll be starting graduate school full-time and will only want to work part-time. The agency for which I work is good at placing their employees into positions to fit their situations and needs. When the temporary position is up, I will pursue a part-time position in the agency). People ask me if this new position is a promotion, and in a way, yes. The pay rate is the same, but the job involves working with at-risk children between Kindergarten and Fifth grade, and are referred by the school. My title will be "Clinical Case Worker" and despite not getting a raise in pay, the position is a sort of "reward" for my experience and my "good reputation within the agency" (so I was told by the hiring supervisor). At this point, I don't have a start date and am relatively frustrated with the lack of communication by my current supervisor regarding my transfer to the new program and expectations for the cases I am currently carrying, but this will all come to pass.

Another realization I have made recently is that despite being married to my best friend, he is a man, and men do not meet a very specific need in a woman's spirit to be with her girlfriends. And I miss my girlfriends. I often take my female friendships for granted, but lately, when I am not feeling very well, I think about how much I miss girl talk and laughing about our husbands, complaining about our parents, and telling stories from the past. And when my mind starts to go the place where I dream up elaborate girls' nights out, or girls' trips up north, I realize all I really need to to just talk to someone. But picking up that phone seems hard for me. Or I think about E-mailing dinner invitations, and then do not follow through. So that just adds to my sadness that I want something so badly, but cannot seem to organize myself enough to initiate the solution to the problem.

I also continue to struggle with balancing my level of involvement with church and being married to the Youth Pastor. I am becoming an unreliable volunteer, who is unable to fulfill obligations and risk being a royal disappointment to my husband. I made the comment a couple days ago that I have gotten to the point where I don't want to be bothered with church. What a horrible thing for someone to feel about the place they are supposed to go to when feeling spiritually drained and restless. Instead, it adds to my feelings of being overwhelmed and overcommitted. And I struggle with these feelings.

On a positive note, a new yet-to-be-named-young women's group has been formed at my church, and although we have only met twice, I am very excited about the emotional support and spiritual refreshment this will offer me. Not only will the group provide me some scheduled "girl time" but I will get to read some really great books, helping to strengthen my faith.

And as for the house? We now have a sink, a faucet, a partial ceiling, some lights, pantry drawers, a counter top, and the cabinet faces are on the way. And that's just the kitchen! Check out the pictures on my flicker.com account.

Hopefully I will pick back up on posting interesting news and fun experiences on this here blog site, and that the content is not always about the cat, Brad, or as a recent post suggests, poop.

And for those of my friends who have sent concerned text messages or E-mails (poor Hallmark), thank you and I love you!

See what emotionally draining jobs and the demands of graduate school can do to people?

2006-02-07T19:36:00.000-08:00

The following dialogue took place between me and one of my best friends, Crista, who is currently working on her graduate degree at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA.

Crista: There is no such thing as too much information between friends

ME: Especially in our special friendship. Because we are very special, right?

Crista: Yes, our friendship is very special...you mean like a "special bus" don't you?

ME: some may say that...especially when they see how happy I get when I show them the pooping toys that someone bought me

Crista: I've been looking for more pooping toys....but I can't find any more for you! Maybe that's the kind of store we should open!

ME: YES! Oh my gosh. That is it. A Poop store... EVERYTHING POOPS!

Crista: That's the name of the store right there....big neon lights "EVERYTHING POOPS"!Just think of all the poop merchandise we could make!

ME: what would the parents of the kids Brad works with think?

Crista: They'd probably be there for the grand opening!

ME: I'm totally doing it.

Crista: I give us both equal credit for the creation of "Everything Poops", because of course we will have to be equal partners in this venture.

ME: I like more fake poo and just the word. I wasn't all that happy that I had to wipe poo off my desk chair after I rolled over a kitty turd that mysteriously ended up outside of her litter box.

Crista: fake poo is definitely better.

ME: choco poo is the best - when it comes out of toy butts.

Crista: We could have little piles of choco poo all over the store. Like a choco herd of something had spent some time in there. The ideas are coming easier now....I can't stop!

ME: You know I'm going to have to write about this in my blog, right?

My Health Club (aka "The Palace")

2006-02-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

Most people would be completely offended if they received a gift certificate for a health club membership as their one and only Christmas gift. I, on the other hand, was overjoyed. The conversations Brad and I had regarding my need to get physically and emotionally healthy were increasing in frequency, but I always found a reason not to make the initial step to fill out the membership agreement (usually due to the cost). Being the super-husband he is, Brad bought me a membership, and despite his eagerness to present me with the gift early, he held out and I was so excited to open the envelope Christmas morning and could not wait to tell my family that Brad loves me that much.

Don't let me fool you, though. Working out at this facility is not that much of a chore, really. With incredibly compassionate staff, state of the art equipment (I can watch "Friends" re-runs while on the cross trainer just by plugging in my head phones to the monitor mounted on the face of the machine) and the fact that the facility is for "ladies only," I am much more than comfortable bearing my flab in all its glory.

During my tour of the facility, I found myself in awe of how new and sparkly, and bright, and warm everything was -- in the locker room, that is. With lighted mirrors making one feel as if they are backstage at the Miss America pageant, and personal shower rooms with count them --SEVEN shower heads (that's reason enough to get a girl excited about going to the gym), I felt like the only thing missing was the guest suites where one could stay over night if they preferred the facility at the health club over their own home (not that I would fit into that category, or anything).

On occasion, there are girls at the club offering mini-massages, too. Not that I have taken advantage of that, yet, because I am too kind of a person to let someone knead my sweat-soaked clothing with their bare hands. However, I do plan on indulging in treatments at the spa portion of the club as I meet my personal health goals. Who knows, I may even get myself a tanning package -- because they have tanning beds there, too!

Like a kid in a candy store. Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Yummy and her Male Caretaker

2006-02-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

See more new pics of little Yummy here.

Margarita Mama

2006-01-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

(this picture is very tiny.)

We have resorted to taking pictures with our camera phones since the flash on our digital camera is still out of commission. Who knows when we'll get it fixed, but I'm missing out on taking really good pictures after hours. Plus, because it was so dark in the restaurant, this picture only looks good when it is really really tiny. Sorry.

On Saturday night, Brad and I took my parents out to dinner at a new Mexican restaurant (they had a salsa bar!) to celebrate my Dad's birthday 3 days early. My mother insisted that I try a real margarita (aka - lime) despite my reluctance, as it is my tendency to order alcoholic beverages loaded with as much fruit flavored add-ins to cover up the real taste of liquor. Apparently my mother thought that was wimpy.

Brad loves to encourage my mother to "get her drunk on." Especially since she delights in any opportunity where she can tell the story about introducing the entire family to her famous alcoholic spritzers: Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers watered down with Sierra Mist because there weren't enough for everyone to have their own.

The remainder of my 2006 "To-Do List"...

2006-01-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

...not in order of importance or urgency:

1) Install new windows in the entire house

2) Adopt

3) Finish the bathroom

4) Start Graduate School

5) Finish the kitchen

6) Go on a cruise

7) Replace the garage door

8) Attend my 10-year high school reunion

9) Install a Privacy Fence (to block the brokedown cars our neighbor likes to keep in his backyard. After all, we do live in Machesney PARKANSAS)

10) Donate my hair to Locks of Love

11) Pave a new, glorious driveway that will lend itself to a beautifully landscaped, plantation-like yard (ah, the suspense).

The beauty of having a Digital Video Recorder (DVR)

2006-01-23T09:10:00.000-08:00

"Did you record the 'Golden Globe Awards'?"

"Yes."

"And who scheduled to record 'Miss America'? And 'Miss America Moments'?"

"I did. That's what happens when you leave me alone for a weekend with control of the remotes."

Watch out, David Blaine

2006-01-14T15:52:00.000-08:00

This is Noah, my friend Carrie's son. He and I are birthday buddies, and he'll be two this year on March 18. I like to brag that if Noah would have been a girl (and still born on my birthday, as his parents weren't quite sure if he was going to be a St. Patty's day baby), his middle name would have been Joslyn.

I am convinced that Noah is only as serene as depicted in this photo as he watches one of the slew of Elmo videos available nowadays to those we call our future. Personally, I find Elmo's voice extremely irritating, but if he can keep a kid like Noah calm, then I would proudly hold the title as "The Exclusive Keeper of All Movies Elmo" and charge people to rent them from my collection. In fact, I would have no shame displaying the movies right next to Brad's Lord of the Rings series and Adam Sandler movies. Should we, as a country, be a little disturbed that a child's first word up there with "Mama" and "Dada" is some variation of "Elmo?"

Last Thursday I was privileged to spend quality time with Noah and his mom, and my friend Amanda and her little girl, Litty. Amanda prepared a delightful meal consisting of enchiladas, topped off later by a body-warming dessert of hot fudge pudding. Despite how much I enjoyed being waited on during the meal, this was most definitely not the highlight of the evening. Little did I know that the culmination of the evening spent with my friends and their children would include being a witness to what I would call the "World's Youngest Daredevil Act." I mean, Noah's parents should really consider taking this act on the road. Noah had managed to utilize the empty crate sitting in the living room that once held the toddler toys that were spewed all over the floor, by using it as a platform for his death-defying talent. I sat in curious wonder as I watched this little boy stand on top of the crate, focus oh-so carefully on his target (aka - his mother sitting on the floor beside him, unbeknownst to his actions) and then, with little forewarning - catapult himself onto his mother's lap! The giggles that emerged from this tiny boy were blended with glee at completing the stunt, and mischief as he contemplated his next, and increasingly more life threatening, act. Before long, the boy was dropping himself to the floor with little regard for the possible injury he could incur to himself. After one of his death defying stunts, my friends and I (and Litty, too) waited in silence, expecting to see the miniature stunt man peel himself off the floor, removing embedded toddler toys from his body, and start crying in pain. Not Noah. He simply got up off the floor, laughed at himself, reveling in the applause received by those in his audience.

A toast to Carrie - may your son continue to provide you entertainment and joy, and may he remain in the care of God's grace and protected by angel's wings, because really, I think that's the only way it's going to happen.

Much to my dismay, a resolution, nonetheless

2006-01-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

Unlike the majority of the world come every New Year, I am choosing not to make any resolutions. Instead, I have cleverly constructed the concept of a 2006 “To Do” List for myself. This way, I am setting the bar low and do not associate any guilt with having not completed a given task; I will merely carry it over to next year. Resolutions are a little too strict, and if I set goals for myself and don’t reach them, I will be my own worst enemy with feelings of guilt, shame, and abandonment (that’s a little harsh, but you know, it’s all about drama).

I also refuse to conform to the ideology that losing weight should be on said “To-Do” list. In fact, I have again spun words so that I don’t have to actually say to anyone face-to-face that I am “trying to lose weight” when in fact, I am “trying to get healthy.” It really does suck when I get out of breath from climbing one measly set of stairs, or that I can’t seem to get out of bed at a decent time considering I am a 27-year old young professional woman, or that I am tired by the time I get home from work at only 5:30pm. Those are not reason alone for me to take control of my lifestyle……someday, in a couple of years, I’d like to try and conceive a child, and I really don’t want to be one of those women where people have to stop and ask themselves – “is that woman pregnant? Or just really fat?”

Another good reason – my 10 year high school reunion is scheduled for September 30, 2006. I have been chubby my entire life, and even though at my heaviest weight I find myself the most self-confident, what a great feeling it would be to walk into that reunion knowing that I looked good on the arm of my husband, Hot Brad). I also want to make him proud of me – for taking back control of my life and being the independent and secure woman he fell in love with. Doing this is not just going to help me get into better physical shape. I want this for my emotional, mental, and spiritual well being, too. I have learned through the few years of working in the social services field that when someone is going through the recovery process from an addiction, the first thing they are taught is that they are in treatment for themselves, not anyone else. And that is my utmost reason for putting “get healthy” as #1 on my 2006 “to Do” List.

Here is the catch – for me. I am publishing horrific photos on this site of my current physical state, with ALL of my current measurements. What a scary thing for a woman to do! Broadcasting one’s weight and measurements is probably the last thing any sane woman would want to have happen unless it meant she no longer had to sit beside her husband as he watched recorded episodes of “This Old House’ or “Ask This Old House.” However, I am doing this – weight, BMI, and all! In fact, this Friday I am having a “BodyAge” assessment done which will tell me how old my body really thinks it is, and I will publish that, as well. I will, however, not go into detail regarding my exercise regime or diet as I would really like for people to want to read this and not have them fired for falling asleep at their desk while they try to help me calculate my caloric intake on any given day. I will update my measurements (and photos, too, woo hoo!) as progress is made as a means of being accountable to myself.

As far as measuring my progress emotionally, Brad will be in charge of that, and we all know how likes me to be happy. In fact, just the other day, we were on our way to pick up my prescription from Walgreen’s, when I said to Brad, "you know, we really don’t even have the money in our account for this medicine. I could just not take it.” Brad started shaking his head vehemently, as if to convey to me that he would rather be stuck in a crowded elevator with a bunch of flatulent 7th grade boys with Reba McEntire and Michael McDonald slow-jams pumped through the speakers than to have me go without my Zoloft. So, maybe he’ll have to publish an update on my emotional healthiness.

As for increasing my spiritual health, maybe I can do my quiet time on the treadmill. Or, I could pray while on the cross-trainer (formerly known as, the elliptical machine).

With all that being said, here are the photos and the current measurements as of January 2006:

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3645/1797/1600/1.05.06.0.jpg

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3645/1797/1600/1.05.06%20profile.0.jpg

Chest: 50”
Waist: 45”
Hips: 48”
Weight: 200 lbs.

Photo credit: My wonderful, endearing, committed husband who is not the tad bit disturbed by taking unflattering pictures of his wife with the gentle glow of a shop light in lieu of a functioning camera flash enhancing my flab.

Dislcaimer: the decision I have made to get my physical life back in order is in no way condoning unnatural, unhealthy forms of weight loss often encouraged by the desire to be thin. Therefore, I am not making my focus to lose weight, but to be healthy. There is a big difference in being thin and healthy. I am very comfortable in my own skin, however, am not complacent with the way I feel physically.

Me and Shannon in 50 years

2006-01-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

I remember going out to eat with Shannon, one of my best friends who now lives in Knoxville, working on her Master's degree at the University of Tennessee, and always having a hard time splitting the bill. It never seemed like I got it right, and either wanted to jip one of my friends, or not leave enough tip, or over tip a server who could have still been in high school and not yet taken the course where you learn to respect your elders or that "the customer comes first."

This picture brought to light what the same scenario might be like in 50 years. Me and Shannon, having finished a nice meal at a local eatery, HER TRYING TO SHOW ME HOW TO ADD TAX AND TIP TO MY TOTAL so that she didn't get stuck paying for my martini (or chocolate shake, for that matter) because, even 50 years later, she is still a broke college student.

A vice to be reckoned with

2006-01-06T12:48:00.000-08:00

We have no money. In fact, I am scared to check our bank account today as I apparently enjoy the anxious feeling of not actually knowing that we are negative and racking up non-sufficient funds charges as I type.

So, what am I doing? Window shopping... well, more like window e-shopping. I really do know why retailers are nervous about the growing popularity of e-commerce, as I can attest to the attractiveness of shopping from the comfort of your own home (or, in all honesty, one's desk).

Not that I am going to buy the following items, but I though I would at least share with you what is so important that I write about it.
http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=4765&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=454&iMainCat=381

I just think these are super cute and then when you have guests over, you don't have to tell them over and over again where to find something you have graciously asked them to help you with, or your husband can't accuse you of moving things around in the kitchen, because he will always know where they are!

http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=4783&itemType=PRODUCT&crosssell=1

Who can't use more bowls? Especially when you are lovers of all foods in need of a bowl to serve them with (or when your husband doesn't wash out the dirty dishes often enough and you are in desperate need of a bowl for your mocha almond fudge ice cream before the CSI commercial break is over). Brad and I are trying to stay away from a strict color theme in our non-existent kitchen, and I just think these would be a really nice addition.

However random this post is, I felt like I needed to write. Am I procrastinating from reliving my episodes with degenerate, poor-excuses for parent clients in the form of casenotes? Probably, yes. Am I trying to find escape from the reality that Brad and I are unable to properly budget our finances? Um, definitely yes. Do I enjoy doing this as an outlet to daydream about one day having a house for which I can actually use these cute, quaint (perhaps useless) items? Mmm... heck yeah.

Replacing My Lost Post

2006-01-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

I just typed a ginormous post that was really good (in my opinion, after all), and because I am in denial over how computer saavy I am, I clicked a wrong button without saving first (my Computers 101 prof would be so disappointed). Stay tuned for a rewrite of the really good post (you know, in my opinion...)

In the meantime, I have been wanting to share the lyrics of a song I've really enjoyed, lately. I am not normally one for posting lyrics, but these are pretty good and are a somewhat accurate reflection of what -2006- means for me:

"I am unwritten - Can't read my mind, I'm undefined. I'm just beginning - the pen's in my hand (ending unplanned). Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find. Reaching for something in the distance - so close you can almost taste it! Release your inhibitions! Feel the rain on your skin! No on else can feel it for you - only you can let it in. No one else can can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten. I break tradition. Sometimes my tries are outside the lines. We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way. "
- "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Until my next post, check out my Flickr photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/72656649@N00/

Scaredy Cat(s)

2005-12-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

I walked into the bathroom last night, turned on the light, and was scared by my own cat laying in the sink. I mean, I actually hollered for Brad as if I had seen a smaller, (a lot less cute, for that matter) rodent scurring across the floor. The scariest thing about the episode is that I was actually proud of my little kitten - much like a parent is when their child learns a new behavior. What is even scarier than anything mentioned above is that I just admitted I think about my cat like a child. Should I be scared for myself and my yet to even be thought about unborn child? I suppose Brad should be the scardiest cat of all in this scenario...

"When all is said and done..."

2005-12-27T12:25:00.000-08:00

For additional pictures of the mission trip to Bay St. Louis, MS, which Brad was a part of, click on http://gallery.the-franklins.net/gallery/msmissions and then "Roscoe United Methodist Church." The photos here shocked me, as I had not realized what devastation truly laid in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

An almost morbid reflection of love

2005-12-27T12:13:00.000-08:00

If anything were to ever happen to Brad, this is how I would remember him - loving Christ by doing good works, loving music and related gadgets, smiling and unshaven, and wearing theGarage logo T-shirt.

Sometimes I hate having a conscience

2005-12-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

Little did I know that blogging has a serious history of getting people fired from their jobs.

Funny how I should be a little more worried about being fired for blogging from work, about work, when instead I am scared to hurt my mother's feelings.

That being said, I regret to inform you that I have chosen to remove the posts involving the woman who birthed me for fear of hurting her feelings if she is to ever find out about this blog.

When I really should have been paying more attention to the reason for the season, I have instead been spending a lot of time contemplating my reasons for blogging. I came to the conclusion that not only is writing on this site an attempt to keep all my far away friends updated, it is also a way to vent and share my feelings and struggles (as displayed in my masthead above). What I struggle with is hurting people's feelings via this site and my posts. I don't want to push people away because of what I write about - I want people to be drawn to my posts and perhaps share them with their friends, who will share them with their friends (you get the idea).

However, I also want to remain honest in my blogging. As I mentioned in the post regarding my small group girls, they know that they are fair game for a topic of my blog and respect that (shoot, they all have myspace and xanga - they know the drill). Perhaps if the matriarch of my family ever finds out that I could possibly be writing about her crazy antics, she will be more self-aware of her actions toward me.

In the mean time, I am maintaining my original committment NOT to share with my mother that I have begun using this blog as an outlet for my feelings, but I have come to accept that it is inevitable she will find out about it eventually (probably having just a little something to do with the fact that I included the address to the site in the Christmas letters I sent to all my extended family members).

Road Trip Success

2005-12-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

Thursday afternoon we left for a 4 hour drive down to Staunton, Illinois, where Brad's parents live. It was Yummy's first road trip, and although we were adequately prepared with litter box in tow, we were still not 100% sure how she would handle the journey.

We have heard from friends that cats typically do not travel well. But, ever since we brought our tenacious, precious kitten home, she has appeared to thoroughly enjoy riding in the car. Personally, I think it is because she finds it a rare moment in time when she is able to be closer to the "outside world" she normally just watches from within the confines of our house.

She made herself quite at home - on the way down, she even upstaged me by having the front seat all to her own, leaving me to remain in the back seat next to the oh-so-fragrant litter box. On the way back, she was comfy cozy on a down blanket strategically placed on my lap, on which she slept almost the entire way home! Brad was a little jealous, though, for after we stopped to switch driving positions, Yummy still wanted to lay on my lap and did so while I drove!

It's okay, Brad, Yummy loves us both the same... hee hee.

Busted

2005-12-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

This is Tyler Christine. She is obviously mischievous beyond her years, er, months (10 to be exact). I wonder if this is a sign of things to come? Although she and her parents, our good friends Emily and Jeremy, live all the way in North Carolina, I get a peak into their life as it is with Tyler by regular E-mailed pictures of this beautiful little girl... and soon I'll get pictures of Tyler's little brother... who is due to enter the world in April. Pray for Emily, as she is serving our country in the military (currently in the US), and for Jeremy, who is also in a self-sacrificing position as a fireman. I have an amazing amount of respect for these two incredible individuals and am immensely proud to be called their friend.

the anticipation is killing me.

2005-12-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

Hopefully this won't last long since Brad spent the night getting heat routed into the kitchen (I don't know the technical, contractor language). Soon you will see photos of what lies beyond the plastic sheeting. But, don't hold your breath. We don't want anyone to suffocate in the name of suspense.

Is it a good thing or a bad thing...

2005-12-15T22:31:00.000-08:00

...when you walk into a local restaurant and the waitress already knows what you want to drink and brings it to you instantaneously. Does that mean it's nice to live where people know your name, reminiscent of the "Cheers" sitcom of the 80s, or does it mean you eat out way too much and should consider trying a new venue once in awhile? These are the things of which I actually take time to contemplate and share.

Part I: How bittersweet it is to be an influence in the lives of teenage girls

2005-12-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

I have struggled to motivate myself to write this next post as it is a very sensitive, personal issue for me. I want to share about it, because otherwise I am not being honest with you and will jeopardize my goal for this blog. On the other hand, I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with the female students I love and spend an enormous amount of emotional energy on trying to show them the amazing grace of God and how they, too, can experience it. I am not going to publish any of the young ladies’ names, but I am going to be honest with my concerns about the group and the lack of direction I am currently experiencing regarding the approach I need to take with this small group.

I refer to this as a “personal” issue, because that is exactly what it is. I will be the first one to admit that my teenage years were absolutely miserable – probably even worse than my senior year of college at the onset of my depression. I absolutely cringe every time I hear someone say, “high school is the best years of your life!” Seriously, that comment creates in me an almost-uncontrollable urge to purge whatever Smart Ones® frozen lunch I may have had that day on the spot (I still refer to high school as my own “personal hell”). Obviously I have some issues with my teenage years that go deeper than most people think is normal (and it goes beyond the feather I used to wear at the end of a tiny braid in the back of my hair and my Sheltie sweatshirt). Therefore, I have carried with me throughout the last 10 years (my reunion is next October, people!) a personal crusade to share my irritation with teenage girls and to try and instill in them the strength to get through high school without emotional scars or physical reminders of poor decisions based on a weak relationship with Jesus Christ. It is for this reason that I was thrilled to have the opportunity to lead a high school girls’ small group.

This year has been different, though. The girls in this group have deep histories, and because most of them visit this site regularly, (only after acknowledging that it wasn’t “boring”), I will obviously not go into detail regarding the pasts of these girls in order to respect confidentiality. However, they do know that they are fair game for writing topic of this blog, due to the emotional investment I have in them and their lives.

What I want for these girls is freedom. Freedom from the lies and deceit the world highlights on a daily basis. I want them to take seriously the issues of sexual promiscuity and sexual identity and the dangers of being complacent with the secular world. I want Jesus Christ to be their best friend, and although the strongest faith in the world is not going to defeat the beasts of temptation, jealousy, and lust, a personal relationship with Christ will make it easier to battle.

As a sophomore in high school, I remember the night I gave my life to the Lord. I sat in my upstairs bedroom on the aquamarine carpet (I matched the color to a birth stone ring I had), in front of the bed with the creamy ruffled comforter and matching pillow shams and floral wall paper, and cried for a friend; a friend who was crying because she wanted so much to be with a boy who did not share the same affections for her. I prayed to God to take the same desires away from me and for my focus to be on Him and His will for my life. A weight lifted from me immediately. I did not want the burden of knowing a boy’s feelings toward me would make or break me. I wanted to be stronger than that, and I was. I still struggled with poor body image, and the stress of doing well in class, but I believe my faith in God kept me from ever suffering from an eating disorder, or from becoming promiscuous, or from doubting my sexual orientation. Above all, my emotions were protected and I am a better person now because I do not have the scars from the war that was the high school years.

What makes me afraid right now, for the girls in my small group, is their blatant disregard for the seriousness of the issues they are faced with. Sexual orientation does not change with the wind, and is something that should not be toyed with. Premarital sex is not an accomplishment, and it does not put you on higher ground than someone who still has the gift of sexual purity. Lying to and being violent with ones parents is not alright, it is a violation of God’s commandments. These topics of conversation are not casual – they are serious, sad, stressful, and not simply an opportunity for someone to find a place in the world. The only way to find to a place in this world is by making a commitment to know God better, to know how to walk in His path and to put all trust in Him.

Our group is going to be working through the book, Wanting to Be Her, by Michelle Graham. Michelle, and her husband, are the leaders of InterVarsity at Northern Illinois University, and were when I was a student there, as well. Michelle has always been passionate about finding true positive body image in the Lord and it is my prayer that by going through this book with the girls, they will start to see how divinely special and beautiful they are as God’s creations.

This is what happens when you suffer from child envy

2005-12-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

My friend Amanda recently moved to Janesville, Wisconsin, and she and I were talking over the phone the other night in regards to whether or not she was going to come to my ill-fated Pampered Chef party (yes, I sell Tupperware, but was having a Pampered Chef party. Note to self: Don't have a cooking/kitchen party when your own is draped in protective plastic and filled with construction equipment and supplies). I only had the party to help out my friend who I booked the party off of and to get free stuff, and then I didn't even get any free stuff because only one person came besides my friend who I booked the party off of! Anyway, Amanda (who was the only other person to come besides the friend I booked the party off of) was sharing with me that she might start taking me up on my previous offers to babysit her little girl, Litty (mind you, Litty turned 2 years old November 5, and this is how long I have been offering to donate my child care services to Amanda and her wonderful husband, Dan). The conversation provided a segway for me to ramble on regarding my most recent life dilemma - Child Envy. I explained to Amanda that I know I am not getting enough face time with my friends' children when I start to want to bring my client's kids home. I have already volunteered to take one of my client's 4 kids to a puppet show this Sunday, and I seriously contemplated how Brad and I could watch another client's 11-month old baby while she had treatment for her hyperthyroidism. Of course, my professionalism and COMMON SENSE kick in before I go making plans, but it just goes to show that I don't spend enough time with CHILDREN! Some days, after having my client's children screaming and kicking the back of my seat in my car for hours makes me think totally otherwise, but I always come back to the desire to be a mother - or at least a sudo-auntie - for just a little while. You know, to get my fill.

Before even talking to Amanda, though, I had the thought to "highlight" some of my friends' children on this site, as an "ode to the child." I know I love seeing my name in print, and my picture? Even better! I cannot even imagine what it might feel like to see your child's picture in print.

So, here is my first Ode. To Litty Abigail. Daughter to Amanda and Dan. This is her 2-year old picture, which I also have clipped to a snowflake picture holder sitting on top of my TV. You cannot help but melt at those pigtails! They are like little angel wings!

I am in the process of asking my other friends permission to publish their children on this site. I think it will be fun! Maybe I'll do this monthly... You'll just have to keep reading (and keep sending me the fruit of your baby's photo shoot) to see if your baby is featured.

The Ice Age, as it applies to Machesney Park, Illinois

2005-12-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

I am being badgered by my husband and students to write something new as it has been several days since I've written. Let me tell ya, the longer I go between posts, the MORE I HAVE TO SAY. Watch out! First of all, though, I want to post a few photos of the house that I took this weekend. Some of you still haven't seen a lot of the house (and what a sight it is), but I must say, despite even what is now the painfully frigid kitchen after we hung plastic separating it from the rest of the house, I love my home and am proud of the work we have done and the prospect of the house to come... Here are some pics of our northern Illinois winter wonderland.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2005-12-08T17:19:00.000-08:00

Why I love to come home for lunch

2005-12-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Today I came home for lunch because our bank account was negative and I had to deposit some money in order to keep from paying the overdraft fees (I hate those things). Besides that, my car didn't start this morning so I had to take Brad's truck to work, which I was returning in the event that my car would start. Which, it did.

While sitting on the couch eating lunch, I looked across the living room and saw Brad making this awfully strange face - a contorted look, with one eye slightly squinting with the other one focusing on something not within my eyesight. He was sitting with one leg underneath him in his oversized, slightly smooshed yellow chair, when I asked, "What are you doing?"

"Lining up my toes. I do that sometimes. Line stuff up." As he continues to show by example the contorted face mentioned above.

"You are SO weird.

"You're the one with weird on it."

This picture won't be in your Christmas card

2005-12-05T20:06:00.000-08:00

Suggestions for a Social Worker

2005-12-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

Today I had supervision with my supervisor at work. This is something the case workers for our program are required to do on a monthly basis in order to receive direction or correction on things we are working on with our clients. Normally this would not seem like a big deal, but the supervisor of our program tends to be very dramatic, and makes a huge deal about very little situations, and tends to draw out the time together where now the case managers dread supervision. Today she wanted to debate that my client does not have a sense of reality and that I need to threaten her with having her kids removed from her care. Um, okay. First of all, I don't threaten my clients, and secondly, it is not that easy to just tell your client that she's close to having her kids taken away when that hasn't been an issue the past 4 1/2 months she's been with our program. And said supervisor gives off this odd impression that she lies awake in bed at night thinking of how to make our cases harder to manage than they really need to be.

But this isn't really the topic of my post. The point of this brief introduction on "how Joslyn's boss approaches supervision" is that she also has a tendency to try and turn our monthly one-on-ones to a counseling session - like today. You see, after we've beaten my cases to death trying to brainstorm every possible referral for services, serious conversation, or ways to threaten my clients, my supervisor gently asks, "so, Joslyn, do you like working for Family First?"

This question triggers a slew full of responses in my head, that I carefully ponder and decide not to voice with her. Instead I say, "What do you mean?"

In an abbreviated version of the rest of the conversation, my supervisor tells me that it appears I have been dragging myself to work lately, and that she was hoping it would get better after I got back from vacation. She said I don't seem very happy at the office and that I am somewhat "negative" about my clientele and is this something I really want to get my Master's degree in? I let her know that I am having a hard time getting to work, and that I am feeling premature burnout, and that I do suffer from mild depression that seems to be aggravated lately, for which I take a small dosage of Zoloft. I tell her that I don't really want to work at all, but I figured getting my Master's in Social Work would open doors for me later in life, after I've had my family and am ready to go back to work. I tell her that all I really want to do is have a family, do the laundry, clean the house, run errands, do educational things with my children, make meals for my husband, help my husband more with his job, and go to play groups with my stay-at-home-friends who have children.

Well, with that bit of news, my supervisor continues by telling me she knows one thing for sure (I'm sure she knows more than just ONE thing for sure... That is such a weird phrase): that I LIGHT UP around children. She says whenever she sees me with my clients' children I am cheerful and pleasant, even during a recent extravaganza (one of my supervisor's favorite words) where I had to literally baby sit a child who was waiting to go into foster care and did not get any work done that day at all, yet she says I was very positive about the situation. She asks me to consider seeing a counselor through our Employee Assistance Program to monitor my dosage of Zoloft...oh, and to reconsider going to graduate school for Social Work...

...This reminds me of when I was a senior in college, majoring in Sociology, when one of my Sociology professors says to me, "Have you ever thought of going into journalism?" What? It's my senior year! I am graduating in 3 months!

What? I've worked in the Social Work related field for 5 years and have always understood my calling to be to work in the social services. Plus I've registered for a Statistics class on SATURDAYS of all days because it's a prerequisite for the MSW program I'm looking at. Now I'm being told to be a teacher or a daycare instructor. Not that those fields aren't enticing to me, but it is a little intimidating to think of changing careers. I realize people change careers far further into their's then I am in mine right now, but I guess I have some things to think about.

The even funnier thing is that just last Monday, Brad asked me a similar question during lunch at McDonald's (when I procrastinated going into work until 1:00). He asked, "why would you get your Master's degree in a field that you are tired of working in?" I don't know. I really don't.

Glamour Shots

2005-12-04T18:55:00.000-08:00

Google Searching the spelling of "epitome"

2005-12-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

This weekend Brad and I made some pretty important (and expensive) decisions about our home renovations. Not like we have the money. Each trip to the local home improvement store is a guessing game with our finances: "What card do we use for this?" "How much credit do we have on this card?" "Well, if we float this check, we can afford this..." We desperately want to save money with this project, but we also don't want to compromise our desire for a customized home by cutting too many corners. We are constantly being reminded that we are not rich people who have the luxury of high paid contractors, and that the terms unique and cheap will highly unlikely ever coincide in the language of home repair in our instance.

In the midst of our financial ponderings, we were able to make some much needed purchases, therefore giving Brad the freedom to get some things done to the house. I had my own tasks. While I pretended to "clean up" the house that, as Brad puts it, really isn't "clean up-able," Brad started installing the ceiling.

And, as you see from the pictures, we extended hospitality to my parents and invited them over to help. At least we fed them afterwards. They are always asking to come help, and after a brief hiatus from having them over (reference the setting boundaries issue), Brad and I decided it might not be so bad to have their help and to feed them, too. Aren't we the epitome of the perfect adult children every new parent hopes and longs for their infants to become?

Hot Brad

2005-12-01T20:41:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, the last time I went to the National Youth Worker's Convention when it was in St. Louis, Illinois, I attended a seminar led by a female, junior high youth worker from Minnesota (Heather Flies, is her name). Since then, I've also attended a leadership seminar where she was the keynote speaker, as well. Anyway, Heather always starts off her talk with a power point presentation reflecting on her life growing up to the present, which always includes a "self-portrait" of her and her husband, whom she affectionately refers to as, "Hot Chad." So, seeing as how imitation is the highest form of flattery, and seeing as how I think Heather Flies is an awesome woman, I decided to begin fondly referring to my own husband as, "Hot Brad." See how it flows...

This picture is from when we were in Nashville last week (sigh of reflection). I think Brad looks extraordinarily handsome in this picture (even though he is playing with his wedding ring that he spontaneously decided to wear just for the vacation obviously, since it has not been spotted on his hand since then). And, since it is nice to share beautiful images with your friends, I thought I'd publish the photo in my blog.

I love you, Brad (wink)

Because cats are edible

2005-11-28T13:54:00.000-08:00

"Yummy" the cat. She makes my heart melt, which is weird, because I have always been a self-proclaimed dog lover. Brad loves her too. He says she's the most loved cat in the world. However, he's the one who named her. Because cats are edible.

The Paper Anniversary

2005-11-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

Our one-year anniversary was yesterday. I can't believe it has been a year. It is sort of depressing to hear about Nick & Jessica, as I prided myself on the fact that they were so much like us...

Neither of us got cards for each other. Brad gave me a Franklin Covey planner that I wanted for Christmas, and since it was our "paper" anniversary, he justified giving it to me early.

Brad's gift from me? That he basically bought himself after asking my permission? A book of SUDOKU puzzles. His paper gift.

If you don't know what SUDOKU puzzles are, try google-searching it. I learned how to play from my good friend and former supervisor, Therasa. I then showed Brad how to play. And that is the beginning of the SUDOKU story as it involves the Huntsman family.

Post Thanksgiving Ponderings

2005-11-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

Because Brad's family has been inundated with family members at their tiny midwest home, we now stay in a local hotel whenever we visit (which is usually overnight, due to the 4-hour drive each way). As small as their home may be, it is always clean, warm, and so very cozy. I took what I think was a 2-hour nap today... very nice.

The thing that I have found ironic recently, is that while we were in Nashville for the National Youth Worker's Convention, we stayed in a relatively cosmetically impressive hotel, which, with our youth worker discount, cost us $99 per night. However, much to our disappointment, our "special requests" were conveniently not guaranteed. Our room had two double beds (hello? married couple on vacation...), NO mini-fridge, NO microwave, and NO complimentary continental breakfast. But then, we come to good ol' Litchfield, IL, where we stay in a good ol' Comfort Inn hotel and are spoiled with a huge king-sized bed, mini-fridge with a sink, a microwave, an indoor pool, and a COMPLIMENTARY BREAKFAST! All this for $39 per night (we have a discount here, as well, as Brad's sister works for the hotel)! Despite the discounts at both locations, our stay at the small town "nowhere, USA" is so much more reasonable and accomodating than the upscale, 12-story hotel in Music City.

But, being in the spirit of "thanks" due to the holiday, I will close simply by saying despite the difference in settings v. cost regarding our hotel stays this week, Brad and I recognize how blessed we are to have been able to take this vacation. We are able to work and earn money and vacation time so that we can have trips like this one. We have family and friends we are able to visit. We have transportation that is reliable enough to take us where we want to be. It is so easy for me to complain about my job, my income, our bills - but, I am so very lucky to have these things to complain about, and none at all.

2005-11-20T12:42:00.000-08:00

This is our last day at NYWC. I didn't get a chance to write yesterday. The "digital lounge" here is usually pretty packed, and then when I actually DO get a chance to write, I feel guilty taking up time when there is a line of people behind me.

Yesterday, though, I attended a "super seminar" (which means it was 2 1/2 hours in length as opposed to the average 1 1/2 hours) on being a Youth Pastor's wife. It was more of an open forum, than seminar, as the leader, Cathy Fields, mostly facilitated discussion between women in the room with concerns and suggestions to others on how to better equip ourselves being the wives of men who have unselfishly committed themselves to a career dedicated to helping farm young people into Christ-fearing adults. Whew. that was a long sentence (it was a long seminar). Even though I haven't been giving Cathy Fields a lot of credit (she has been married to a successful youth pastor/author for 20+ years) I did learn a lot from the other women in the room, who have experienced a variety of rough times, dissention within their churches, a lack of time spent with their very dedicated husbands, etc. I came to realize that so far, Brad and I really have not had to deal with the brunt of what some couples have had to go through in their own churches. I learned that I need to have more grace when it comes to criticism from others regarding my husband's job performance. I have to accept that there is a more than likely chance we will have to move on at some point. As scary as that is - as much as I don't want to move away from my comfort zone or leave the students we have come to be so invested in - it is a fact of life and the nature of youth ministry. I am, afterall, a youth pastor's wife, and to quote Cathy Fields, I wouldn't have it any other way.

2005-11-18T16:53:00.000-08:00

I learned a new word today: egocentricabstraction. Apparently this means we all have an abstract way of influencing the way others think and behave, but we don't care.

How reckless is that? Here we are as adults with the ability to influence the life of a child, teenager, young adult, yet we act so carelessly with our words, actions, and emotions.

It may seem odd that Brad and I are gaining so much knowledge from people named Tic, Chap, and Marko, but it's true! So far the conference has proven to be uplifting, enlightening, and refreshing - just as I anticipated. Our spirits are being renewed as we are encouraged to "JUMP" (the theme of this year's conference) back into youth ministry with the same young heart we had at the beginning of this incredible journey.

The next General Session is about to start and I've just agreed to let Brad go ahead and find us seats, when finding him will now be quite the challenge in a theater filled with approximately 7500 other zealous youth workers and their undoubtedly committed entourage of volunteers or spouses...

...there are others waiting in line for the limited access to the hot commodity of internet access here at the conference center, so I will leave this post "as is" and write again tomorrow. Tonight we venture to ROCKETOWN here in "Music City, USA" to see a Thousand Foot Krutch/Hawk Nelson concert. Funny how both of these bands have been in Rockford within the last few months, but we finally get to rock out to them here in Nashville...

2005-11-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

So my husband told me to post an entry sometime soon as we are getting ready to leave for a 10 day vacation to anytown, USA that just might end with the suffix "ville." Nashville, Knoxville, Evansville... the only exception is Staunton, where his family lives and where we will ultimately end up for Thanksgiving.

Neither of us can begin to tell you how eagerly we have awaited this vacation. This holiday of sorts. Both of us have careers focused on "serving the masses." Brad tries to instill a relationship with Jesus Christ in however obstinent and self-righteous, but fun and self-conscious, pre-teens and teens. Myself, on the other hand, work trying to instill socially acceptable daily functions in people who live in the gravest of conditions. So, when we are presented with an opportunity to go on vacation, we relish in the time together - alone. Which, with the amount of time we are going to spend DRIVING on this trip, will be a lot.

I am going to try and post while we are on vacation, especially since we are starting off by attending the National Youth Worker's Convention in Nashville, TN. This convention is going to spiritually replenish us and give an opportunity to remember WHY we do the work we do. We are going to hear awesome bands (including Jars of Clay - the band I fondly refer to as "my boys"), listen to amazing comedians (who said Christians aren't funny enough to leave your side aching from incessant laughter?), and most of all, be taught by incredible, educated, spiritually strong people who are serious about seeing our minsitries flourish and see the workers, who are blessed by the hand of God for the work they do, be lifted up and encouraged so they maintain, above all, their sanity.